Rest In Peace Shaniya

This beautiful child was found dead today. Ending a week long search for her. This is the face of child sexual exploitation. She was taken by her mother and placed into child prostitution, and then the person discarded her dead body beside the highway. I am at a loss for words, I am hurting for this child. I am angry at a woman who would place this child in harms way. I am not sure all of what emotions I have right now. I feel like vomiting. THIS KIND OF THING HAS TO END!!!!!!! I have the same determination today as I had when I changed majors in college to become a counselor. Someone has to help these children, I am in, are you?

  News story from CNN about Shaniya

The value of the paper:

There is a debate out in the world of child abuse investigations. It centers on the possiblity of certifying forensic interviewers. At this point, forensic interviewers are trained, but not licensed or certified. The idea of one standard and certification is a hugely complex one.

The issue starts with the fact that there a at least 4 schools of training for forensic interviewing. Each is similar, and yet different. This means there is not one standard for what education a forensic interviewer must have.

Another issue is that of jurisdiction.  Each area of the country has different prosecutors and court systems. What is acceptable in one county may not be used in the next. What is prosecutable with the local juries changes in place to place.

If we contrast the process with the social work process, we find that Social Work has a single national standard that all school of social work adhere to. It is one standard. Also the local social worker might do something different that the next social worker, but there are some uniform ideas of what a social worker is. Also each state licenses social workers. Here in South Carolina, the license is a practice license. It give the social worker the right to practice

In the discussion, an excellent point was made. Is the certification for the Forensic interviewer or for the child. What is the purpose of the piece of paper? Can we care for and help the investigation of child abuse better if we have a piece of paper, or a title?

I don't have an answer to this issue. As a forensic interviewer, I want to help the child tell their story and have to tell it only once. I doubt the children really care what letters are after my name. They are concerned with knowing I can be trusted to share the hard things that have happened to them. No letters behind my name can make my day happier than knowing that a child's life is better because I have done the best interview I know how to do.

If the State of SC chooses to apply a license to forensic interviews, I will apply and get my license. If some self described certification association is claiming to make my work better by my paying them lots of money for letter behind my name, I will pass.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

This is the question of grief and confusion. It is the question of the abused, the parent who lost a child, the hurt and pained. It is a question with few uniform widely applicable answers.

I can only relate here what I have learned about answering this question. I frame the answer in terms of what was the benefit from the negative event. I look to what came from the hurt, pain or loss. What follows is the important part to me. Can I do what I need to do without knowledge and experience. Book knowledge is only so good for helping others. I assume that the drama and trauma in my life were the teachers of the experience that I need to help others. It provides in me the context of experience to be able to relate to another person.

I have worked with a lot of people over the years, and have talked and seen alot of drama and trauma. I have held hands with families who lost children, wailed and prayed with families who have lost husbands and fathers. I learned about death by experiencing death in my family and children. I will not say I am by far the best at helping the grieving family or person, but I can hold my own. My college education did not cover death, other than the concept of death and dying and the 5 stages of grief. A 30 minute lecture was all it was. I learned about death from my experiences with it. Holding the hand of my stepfather as he died, was my full introduction to the Hospice experience.

My experience in life is that I have been exposed and placed in places and situations that those experiences are most useful. So what did and do bad things happen to me? Because I need the experience to understand and connect with others and be able to help them. I was being prepared for my life.

I used to ask why? I came to my understanding. I may be wrong, and my concept of why bad things happen to me, may and probably won't work for you. It is my conception that fits with my life and my sense of self. You must answer the question for yourself.

It is difficult not to prescribe what I have learned to others. My sense of understanding of how life works is idiosyncratic. Everyone must develop their own idiosyncratic way of understanding the universe and the whys of how that works. I wish I could tell my clients that what I learned is the way she should go. My daughter's death taught me there are no singular answers. My way of grieving worked for me. Maybe this is why Therapy and Social Work is an art.

Flu and journals

I am not sure if I have the flu or just feel off. either way with the national media has harped on this so much, I stayed home today from church. I have taken some time to write in my journal.

I have had trouble in writing in a journal. I was an avid journal writer for years. I began when I was a teen and ran away from home. I kept one up to about 10 years ago. At that time, my second wife read my journals for her own narcissistic interests. The trust violation was deep. I was able to forgive the first time, but when she did it again, I could not manage this, and ultimately the marriage ended. I am now just getting back to writing my thoughts down. I feel the loss and the struggle to reclaim that aspect of my life.

I have run into parents who read the diaries and Journals of their children, justifying that they needed to know what was going on in the life of the child. I uniformily tell them to stop now and do not do it again. The risk of a trust violation is too great for the information gathered. I guess the parents who do the have never kept journals.

So I have had to risk. It is a risk. To write exactly what you think and not edit what you write. For anyone who wants scientific studies on journaling, check out work by Pennbaker.

Today is an insightful day, a good day

Depth of understanding:

I was reading about how the non-offending caregiver is so critical to the disclosure patterns of the sexually abused child. I came to see thing differently in looking at some power points on the topic. I was always aware that having someone who supported you was important to the process of therapy. I did not connect the dots though with the non-offending caregiver in the role of disclosure.

Basically, when there is a caregiver who believes the child on things prior to disclosure, the child is more likely to disclose abuse. But if the relationship is problematic or impaired, the disclosure will be withheld. Two interesting concepts for me here.

One, The way that a parent or caregiver believes a child statements on other things will impact their belief of the child in the disclosure of abuse. SO it is not just that the caregiver believes the outcry, but has she believed the child in smaller thing prior to the outcry. The nature of thier relationship and attachment is crutial for children to disclose.

Second, the impairment of the relationship, and or attachment may lead to a non-disclosure. That does not indicate that the abuse did not occur, but that the child is not able to disclose the information.

This discussion is not a bash the parents for not creating an environment kind of discussion. It is about understanding some of the deeper issues in how children report abuse. It is not just one single factor that leads to non-disclosure. It is a complex web of reasons. This is one factor I had not been directly considering. It isone of the factors of why only 25% of children report they have been sexually abused.

This just leads me to be more aware of the patterns of attachment in the child parent interaction in assessments. Food for thought.

The Bravery of the small child.

What does it take to say someone has hurt me, someone has abused me? We all know the reports of rape, sexual abuse, and physical abuse are largely unreported. I remember in my Associate's degree program, I wrote a paper that detailed the impacts of sexual abuse on people. I looked at individuals who had experienced it, and the secondary victims. I tried to compute the more realistic number by including the estimated non-reported cases and their families.The professor liked the paper but said something about tortured statistics. I had basicaaly concluded that everyone had been impacted by the specter of abuse.

Now, some 23 years later, I am still faced with the question of what does it take to tell someone.  The fact that someone is hurt is a complex issue. As a society we have the notion that if someone wrongs us that we will immediately jump up and exclaim our being wronged. It does not work that way. Just like the host of other things we assume to be true. There is no CSI lab like those on TV. Fingerprints are not instantly recognized. Lawyers don't get to do the things like is done on TV. And contrary to popular belief, children who are abuse 3/4 of the time NEVER tell. The 1/4 who do tell, don't often tell right after it happened.  WHY we wonder, would you not want to have justice, right the wrong, and lock up the evildoer.

I will ask you to read a book. Erin Merryn has written her second book, living for today. In it she describes her process of coming to a point of telling about abuse that started at age 6. She did not disclose until just a few years ago. Erin gives us the inside look at the why of someone not talking about an abuse. She shares the complex inner work of the survivor.

There are theories about why we behave the way we do. None of us fully understand these concepts. I read as much as I can, and everyday learn new things. I am reminded of a little girl in a youtube video (mugglesam's Beauty is...) who looks right in the camera and says "Why, WHY, WHY!!"  I think when we try to explain a what or a how with a why we miss something. Why implies meaning, values and some form of judgment. The who, what where when and how are descriptive, non judgmental. Maybe we need less of why does it happen, and more of what can I do to end child abuse. 

Red Eared Sliders

Got some new office mates today. I added two Red Eared Sliders to a tank and placed in my office. I think that turtles will help the children connect with the way we hide from things that scare us. I made it so there is a hiding place that can be seen from outside of the tank. A cave of sorts. I hope to incorporate this into my work with the children. I will begin with a naming contest. Then get some picture to convert to coloring pictures. The sound of the running water is very soothing as well.

I have always wanted to have some animal therapy in my practice. I have had fish and birds with little success. Yet here I try again. Why do I want it so much, that I am willing to try again? It is a natural rapport builder. People relax with animals. Not so much with spiders or insects! But, fish dogs, cats, and such are a naturally trusted entity. My hope is that the trust will build from there. then there is a metaphoric use of the animal. I am an example person. I draw the topic and difficult concept into a real world understandable example.

So for example; If you notice when you came in the turtles dived back into the water. Meeting someone for the first time may cause us to dive  for safety. If you relax, they will come up on the rock and look at you to find out who you are. They have to come to a point where they feel you are safe. Therapy is kind of like that. We have to get to know each other before we will risk sharing more of ourselves. We will hide at first then slowly come "out of our shell".

I don't know, but I suspect kids might open up to the turtles as well. In my wife's 2nd grade class, she get several letter each year for the turtle in her room.

If nothing else, I think they will lower my blood pressure and give me some moments of joy.

Re-creation

I posted a new picture on the blog main page. Not the typical picture of what most people think of as a social worker. I think of it showing a social worker improving his practice.

Time down, re creating ourselves. It is so vital, and yet so hard to do at times. We see the next fire, the next emergency. The next appointment is just minutes away. How do you say no to helping someone else? Maybe part of that question needs to be how can you say no to helping yourself? Every helper needs to have time to re-create. I chose to use that word the way I did. We need to re-create ourselves. We need to re-build, re-new and re-fresh.

We encourage our clients to take time for themselves. We ask them to not send every moment worrying about outcomes that can't change. Why do we do that? Because we know that clients over stress, and take on too much.

For me, this means making BBQ and making soap. This weekend was the annual Hog Jam (www.hogjam.com) I have been helping organize the event for 4 years. I was burned out on the process. So this year I decided to cook and sell BBQ. I make DKBBQ the "worst" BBQ in SC (worstbbqinsc.com). I had a ball. I cooked two days and got two hours sleep in the front seat of the car. I made a nice profit.

WHAT does this have to do with social work?? I got to spend time with people who were not sexually abuse, or facing PTSD. I did not have to evaluate any parents for custody issues, or treat the people I met for sexual offenses. I got to see, and interact with "normal" people. My perspective was once again broadened out to include the fact that not everyone is in need of my help or services. So going back to work today, I can breathe easier and have some excitement in helping again.

Hog Jam Awards

Above is the picture of the Hog Jam Awards. I took third place in the tasters choice contest. Recognition helps. I look at the two days of Hog Jam differently this year. I am beginning to see how it is part of me following my own advice to clients. SO, go re-create a bit and follow your own advice. It can be a blast