The Life of a Social Worker

Blog moved to http://swok2.blogspot.com/

2011-11-09T20:29:00.000-08:00

I am moving this blog to http://swok2.blogspot.com/. All the posts and comments have been transferred there. Please adjust your bookmarks. Thanks

Books

2011-07-16T20:12:00.000-07:00

It is on the way. I decided to create a print version of my poem book My poems and Journal prompts are already in e-book format. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=mahlon+david+kellin&x=0&y=0

I have decided to write some. I found that old documents have been a wealth of information and resources. I think that there is a wealth of information that will go in my library on my nook.

Let me point you to a site with a list of e-books for social workers

http://www.mastersinsocialwork.com/25-essential-e-books-every-social-worker-should-read/

I have found Mackenna's lists very helpful. Check it out

I am working on several new writing projects. One is a book for parents who find out their child has been abused, and also another Journal Prompt collection. I have even considered making a book of this blog. I guess the writing bug has gotten me.

*** Paperclip Project! If this blog has been impactful, meaningful, or helpful to you, would you send me a paperclip for my collection, Thank you so much!! David Kellin PO Box 851 Kershaw, SC 29067

Conversational training in sessions

2011-07-06T21:46:00.000-07:00

Here is a technique for all you who are practicing, and all the students learning how to do this work. There is not a real name for this, I have heard it called narrative practice. Here is the scoop.

Children are very reliant on our cues for conversations. When we ask direct questions, we often get short responses. Consider this. If this is the first counseling experience for the child, how do they know how to answer our questions in ways that we can use for the services we provide. Most times, we don't teach them how to respond.

I am sure some may bristle when I mention teaching them to respond. But consider this. When a child goes to school, the teacher teaches them the way to respond to her or him. Parents teach the children how to respond to them (sometimes in frightening ways).

The technique as simple as it sounds is just to take some time at the beginning of counseling to teach the child how to respond to open ended questions and how to add more details with the answers they give. It might be spending some time just learning more about them and their regular activities. Don't jump into problems at first. Give the child the chance to show up in the session.

This will mean that you as a social worker must think about the ways you can join with the client. You have to know how you want the client to respond. Do you want discreet facts, or more open flow of self disclosure. Then you have to look at the questions you are asking. The more direct and less open questions, will yield shorted fact based responses. More open ended questions will result in more open less specific information. This paying attention to what you bring to the meeting, is vital to get the information you are looking to receive.

What does this look like? Sitting with a child and asking the open ended questions to explore the non problematic events of their lives, until you get the kind of responses you need, and want. Then moving into a more problem centered discussion.

One paper I read, reported that kids questioned, stated that the helper went too quickly to the identified problems and they did not know how to respond to their questions. I am sure I was one of those counselors. I was so focused on completing the assessment, I was not allowing the child to join in the process. I work hard at it now, and there is still the pressure in the back of my mind about needing to complete this and that because I have a limited amount of time. To give in to this is to do a disservice to our clients.

*** Paperclip Project! If this blog has been impactful, meaningful, or helpful to you, would you send me a paperclip for my collection, Thank you so much!! David Kellin PO Box 851 Kershaw, SC 29067

Google +

2011-07-05T10:02:00.000-07:00

I am on Google +. https://plus.google.com/109802367897926206088/posts?tab=mX

I know many, many are not yet. I have found it interesting to look at the differences. I guess what I noticed first is that it is a grown up social area. Kind of the difference between a frat party and graduate school. Or between middle school and high school. Which got me to thinking.

The idea that crossed my mind is the observation of social behavior. Why would there be a need for a facebook, the web based equivalent of middle school? What need does it fulfill? With the introduction of technology, the face to face play of my youth has been replaced with text and pictures shared in a terminal. Why do the seniors not seem to be all that interested in facebook or twitter?

One might argue with seniors, it is lack of computer skills. I would posit a hypothesis, that they don't really need it. They were socialized in a social group at the proper time in their childhood. Maybe they don't really need the interactions that Facebook offers.

There is an evolution in facebook users I have noticed from my relatively small sampling of just 500 or so "friends". for young people there is the tongue out pictures, and the multiple tagged group pictures, and then the performance pictures, the like status updates, here is my name in letter and colors status. Then this all gives way to I am dating so and so, that I am in love with so and so, and then I broke up wit/ and not dating/broke up with him/ merry-go-round. This evolves to the prom pictures, the college room pictures and drinking and partying pictures. Then the baby pictures and marriage pictures.

This evolution is the same evolution that would go on in the school halls and on stay overs, on the phone. Facebook seems to have replaced some of the more face to face contacts in social evolving that the older seniors took for granted would happen in the real life relationship with someone.

So why did the adults join in and do such similar stuff? I suspect that they needed something from facebook that they lacked as a teen growing up in the 60s and 70s, and 80s.What that is I can't define to a single variable.

When I got on google + , right away I noticed I was interacting with professionals, and not kids. Adult discussions. I felt like I was relating with peers. I liked that. I almost hope that don't open it up very wide open, as I think it will reduce what has started there.

As a child and adolescent therapist, I have been immersed in the youth culture so much, I did not realize just how immersed I was. Now I know.

I am sure there is a paper or two for the social scientists out there to consider in what I have written here. Go for it, prove me right or wrong, just look into it please.

If you are an adult who likes adult conversations and exchange of ideas, find me on Google + https://plus.google.com/109802367897926206088/posts?tab=mX

*** Paperclip Project! If this blog has been impactful, meaningful, or helpful to you, would you send me a paperclip for my collection, Thank you so much!! David Kellin PO Box 851 Kershaw, SC 29067

The Insights Found While Playing

2011-07-01T10:55:00.000-07:00

He is just 7 years old. He has been exposed to the underbelly of our world, sexual abuse. He plays so innocently and his world goes on. Bright beyond his years, and such a problem solver. How could someone do this to him?

As I watched Matt*, I reflected on how this young man may be when he is 16. He might be one of the angry youth, screaming at the world, or a aspiring builder, maybe even a track star. He mirrors the young boys I have seen over the years. At an early age, untainted by the cruelty of the world. He does not understand that his color will impact how others see him, He belongs now to everyone, but one day he will be one of them.

Will his anger develop because of treatment he receives, and the perceptions of his being? Will he rise up against such labels, or succumb to them? What will happen to the wonderful person in front of me on his walk in life? At this moment, he sees only the possibilities, and will continue to see them until the world and those around him squash them, confine him into their thinking.

What is beautiful? Not having to fit any preconceptions of who you have to be is beautiful. Being free to play with whatever you want without worry is beautiful. The spirit of a young child is beautiful.

I have to remember that labeling this child will simply box him into some area that I am experienced in. He is a child who experienced abuse, NOT an abused child.

Keep playing kid, don't let anyone define you

*** Paperclip Project! If this blog has been impactful, meaningful, or helpful to you, would you send me a paperclip for my collection, Thank you so much!! David Kellin PO Box 851 Kershaw, SC 29067

Just because it ended, doesn't mean it failed. ~ Alan Cohen

2011-06-27T09:54:00.000-07:00

Termination, Drop outs, quitters. At some point therapy and counseling ends. It has to end at sometime. We are part of just a little part of the journey on life's river. Yet, I find for me that unless the sessions come to a in session close, there is always doubt. If the client fails to return (Quit), then I am often wondering if it was positive and a natural closure, or if I failed in some way. Today I ran across the quote in the title and thought about it.

When I go to the physician, and my symptoms are gone, I don't go back till there is a change that needs his or her help. How is therapy different from the point of view of the client. If they are having troubles with sleeping for the fears engendered by the abuse they have suffered, then when therapy helps, do they need more counseling?

I think this has been a debate that has raged for many decades. The original psychoanalytic on one side with years of therapy, to the solutions based EAP process with a 3 session limit. There are as many takes on this as there are therapists. To be honest, it is not likely to be clear. Here is why. The physician is applying an objective remedy to an objective problem. If your back hurts, here take these pills. The world of therapy is very subjective. The client comes in with a subjective problem and the therapist helps with both objective and subjective interventions. The time required to do this is much longer than the physician. Also the depth of sharing is more in the therapist's office. A deeper relationship develops. There in lives the trouble.

Therapist, counselors, social workers, we are human, and we bond with our clients. We feel for them and hope for them. Maintaining our professional boundaries does not preclude a fondness for those we work with. The ending of relationships is tough for many people and realistically the therapist or social worker has to be better than most. We start, maintain, and end many, many relationships. One blog entry numbered my contacts in a therapy setting at 4202. Think about that for a moment, I had to develop 4200 relationships and end 4200 relationships. These were not just acquaintances in the mall that I said hello and then went my way. No, these were relationships that allowed for the deepest connections on the darkest stuff. Some closer than spouses and parents in the degree of information shared. NO wonder at the end of the day I am drained!

You might think that the job of the therapist is to be the blank slate or the screen for the client to project their troubles and resolve them (My old Freudian thinking there, Eh). Have you ever been to an in-personal physician, not very easy to take. We crave the relationship with our care providers, and what them to know us.

I can't count the number of times a client has asked to have a lego structure saved, or requested a special place on the way for an art piece. They seem surprised to "learn" that I have other clients. I suppose we are like that in our lives. So, sitting here reviewing the changing caseload I have had over the last 6 months, makes me a bit sad. I know from checking with families that a great many of them just found that the symptoms ended, and stopped coming because they no longer needed counseling. I remember in grad school taking to a field instructor who said "We never see the successes, only those who need more help. The successes do not come back for more counseling" I guess this is a truism. It does not help the occasional feelings thet I have some how failed a client and they quit because I somehow failed them. I can hear the feedback now to this blog telling me I have not failed them, and that feedback would be correct. Yet, I doubt I am alone in this feeling that when client's stop coming without termination, that we wonder.

Being human, I know we love the people we work with. No, they are not family, nor should they be. But they are a part of us, and we of them. It is okay to miss them, hope they are doing well, and remember the good times and progress made.

*** Paperclip Project! If this blog has been impactful, meaningful, or helpful to you, would you send me a paperclip for my collection, Thank you so much!! David Kellin PO Box 851 Kershaw, SC 29067

A Father's Grief

2011-06-25T15:17:00.000-07:00

Today is a great day for me. I have successfully published my book of poems on the internet. A Father's Grief: A Collection of Poems is available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble websites. I have a Nook version, and A Kindle version. No paper version. I decided to go just electronic with this book.

I wrote the poems in 1999 the month after my son was born still. I have had them filed away, published them in a blog a couple of years ago, and decided recent to go ahead and publish as an e-book.

http://www.amazon.com/Fathers-Grief-Collection-Poems-ebook/dp/B0057Z82UI/ref=sr_1_5?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1309024075&sr=1-5

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-fathers-grief-mahlon-david-kellin/1103995153?ean=2940012886347&itm=1&usri=a%2bfather%2bs%2bgrief

I downloaded a copy for myself, and spent 45 minutes reading it this afternoon. I had forgotten how emotional they were. I had to stop midway and just pause.

I feel it was an accomplishment because now my words are available world wide, and may help fathers who are grieving, or those who know a father who is grieving. My pain is now working towards the good. It will help with my grieving as well.

*** Paperclip Project! If this blog has been impactful, meaningful, or helpful to you, would you send me a paperclip for my collection, Thank you so much!! David Kellin PO Box 851 Kershaw, SC 29067

Another Quiet Day in Grief

2011-06-20T13:53:00.000-07:00

Saturday was a full day with clients solid from 9am to 5pm. Wearing, but positive. Today is one of the more quiet days at the CAC. One client, and one setup for two forensic interviews on Friday.

The client and I talked about the recent death of a "second" mother to her. It was a good talk. I explored with her the use of active imagery journaling.

Basically active imagery journaling is capturing memories in both a visual and verbal format. In this situation a dress provoked a teasing response from the woman who had passed. The memory was fresh for my client. I encouraged her to wear the dress and get a picture in it, and then to build up imagery that told the story and then to add the written version of it. This one page then starts the process of capturing and processing memories in the grieving process. Fits right in with the Searching and Yearning phase of grief. and can lead to the rebuilding phase. This is a technique I used to help with the death of my daughter, and have been teaching it since.

This was a great victory for the day. I have helped someone today and it is good. She helped me as well, by affirming that life does go on and that even in death, small bits of laughter can surface.

What simple techniques have you had to use and then teach to others?
BTW, if you have not found them yet, Post Secret books are great.

*** Paperclip Project! If this blog has been impactful, meaningful, or helpful to you, would you send me a paperclip for my collection, Thank you so much!! David Kellin PO Box 851 Kershaw, SC 29067

Got the title working, YEAH!!!

2011-06-19T21:29:00.000-07:00

I have been trying for a couple of years to figure out how to create a title for my posts. Tonight I found it. Never Give up, Never Surrender. Social Workers don't know it all!

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.667862187116.2155051.45504476&l=115a4ff688

here is a picture to reflect on and find some peace. link above to pictures of Creek in Black Mountain, NC

Father's Day

2011-06-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

Father's Day

Today is Father's day in our part of the world. A day we honor those who have been impactful in our lives as our dads. It is a mixed blessing kind of day for me. As many know, my children died in 1999 and 2000. I have step children, but do not have the closest relationship with them due to them being fully grown when I married their mom. So I am essentially childless this father's day.

I have been thinking about some of the ways I have been considering my approach to client work recently. I have been thinking, what would I do to help them if I was their father? I am not wanting to be their father, but trying to enlist that fatherly compassion and strength to help with difficult processes. Let me explain further.

In 2000, I was holding my daughter,Sara, and she was dying. I made a choice not to prolong her suffering and chose to have the nurse stop the artificial respiration. I knew in that moment I was a father, in that I had to make the hard choice, one I did not want to make.

Now in therapy with the children, I am having to ask hard questions. I have to directly confront the abuse they have experienced, and have then talk about things that hurt. How do I frame that choice to ask these hard questions? If I was this child's father, what would I do to help them. I would ask the hard questions so they could have a life free of the traumatic reactions. This is the frame I use now to help my clients. I use that father's love I have to help those in need.

One speaker at an child abuse event talked about how we as counselors and advocates are fathers and mothers to the children we help. We love them and care about them and help them heal. I love that notion. I have many children out there in the world. If we consider Locard's theory as applying to relationships, there is an exchange between therapist and client that lasts. The client takes part of me with them forever, and part of them stays with me forever.

So today reminds me of my own children, but also the many children who I have been able to help "raise" over the years. I claim those children today. For those "fathers" out there who are "raising" children. For the fathers of children who have died, and those fathers with children at home. Happy Father's Day, and thank you!

Paperclip Project! If this blog has been impactful, meaningful, or helpful to you, would you send me a paperclip for my collection, Thank you so much!! David Kellin PO Box 851 Kershaw, SC 29067

The boring days!

2011-06-17T12:09:00.000-07:00

Social work as a therapist may seem glamorous and intense and lots of adjectives. Some days it is boring, truely mind numbing. Today is a day when I am finding it exciting to crunch numbers on a spread sheet. I had one client earlier today, and then it is just finding something to do for the rest of the day. Mind you, I have plenty to do, but it is the work of the day, not the exciting stuff like therapy. There are days like this, when I wish I had taken the day off.

I guess the benefit is the day to recharge and regroup. Numbers are important, and being available for the potential calls of crisis. I guess what I am saying to those who are reading about the life of a social worker, is that some days are boring. Can't escape that fact. Every profession has days like this.

Weird part is that when it is fast paced and clients showing up hour after hour, I am wishing for a day like this, and when I have days like this, I am wishing for client filled days. I am never satisfied, am I? My mindfulness practice would encourage me to just be in this day, not in tomorrow or yesterday. Although yesterday would be nice to live in as I was walking beside a creek in the mountains of NC. I am here in the office and working on accepting just being in the moment.

The ebb and flow of life and work is something I have been learning about me, and one of the things I teach my clients. Everything is a cycle, and when the low comes anticipate the high. I have been on a low for the last couple of weeks to months. The flow of cash in my private practice has slowed to none, and the bills and cost of living is rising. I have been waiting for an insurance payment for about 90 days. Some days I want to just go to sleep and wake me when it picks up. Of course it, this perspective is a bit out of whack. In the last two months I have been part of three community events. One I planned and ran, and two my employer put on. I have cooked lots of BBQ and given it away for the kids. I have crunched a bunch of numbers for the agency, so grants may be easier to get. I have seen lots of clients. So if life is a cycle, why should I be surprised with a slow day? I guess the best way to look at this kind of day, is that it shows that the therapy is working for the kids. They are secure and confident enough to go off on summer vacations and not need to stay close by so if they have a crisis, they are near the counselor. They are better and able to resume their lives in vacations and summer family visits. Yep, I am going to frame it that way, and so a boring day is a mark of the success of lots of hard therapy days the last three months. I am in charge of my own reaction to any given situation!

How are you choosing to see your day?

Girl Power Event

2011-06-14T08:41:00.000-07:00

The Child Advocacy Center I work at during the day held it's Girl Power Event this last Saturday. About 75 girls gathered to learn and have fun. This year I felt more a part of the process. I cooked the BBQ and Hot Dogs for the group, and ran a Drum Circle. I also served as security for the event. It was nice to be included.

I think that it is so confused when I hear the responses of others in the community and even my family. I told them I would be helping at a pajama party, and the conversations stopped for that brief moment of "HUH?" If I had said I was helping out with a hunting party for boys, the conversations would not have stopped. We as a people are still very gender focused.

Working on the movie of the event, I used Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" as the music track, and marveled that the message is that we are all born the way we are. I can't control that I was born male, but that does not mean I use that maleness for harm or evil ends. No more than being female makes you safe or secure with kids.

I again have to do the self check. What things do I hold that are stereotypes of others? I was talking this last week about how one race is more likely to be adjudged as acting inappropriate or criminal than another. As I made the movie, I began to think about this, and realize that even if the research shows one thing or the other, the fact is that I was looking the situation as a racial issue and not a person issue. I am not immune, and doubt that anyone out there is totally free of stereotypes or biases. Knowing that, I need to own mine.

At the Pajama Party, I was Mr. Kellin. Not a guy not the male whatever. I was and am a person, and should be considered on that, not some characteristic.

So, what about those who are Borderline?, Bipolar? Abused?, Violent?, Shy?, Overweight?, Female?, Caucasian?, Imprisoned?????

Each of us has a name. I am a Kellin!

4202

2011-06-13T20:20:00.000-07:00

What is a career? As a social worker, what will I be doing? 4202! that is my answer. Above is a picture of 4202 paper clips, one for each of the clients I have worked with in the last 19 years. I wanted to capture what the numbers would look like. I stumbled on a movie entitled "Paper Clip" about a project done my a middle school in Tenn. I was inspired to make my collection of client clips. It is humbling. And I am not done yet, my career is not over. I don't think when I went to college, I would have worked and helped over 4000 people.

I have written about how I have watched as clients got better. I realize from some comments I need to own my contribution. I own that I bring me to the table, and it is the relationship I have with the clients that helps. None of my clients came back to thank my techniques. I use the techniques to help them, but it is the way in which I use the techniques that make the process unique. The me in my work with others. I think that is why we don't have Ipad and Iphone therapy apps, it would not work. 19 years ago, the computer was being touted as the new therapist. Just program the logarithm and responses and the computer would "talk" you through the problem. Never saw a working model, nor would I have trusted it. You are the ingredient that allows you to be helpful, just as I am the ingredient that I offer to my clients, all 4202 of them. I love them. Yes I know that is not PC, but oh well. I love my kids, teens,moms and couples. I care about them, and think of them often. So yes Iwatch them grow and heal, but it is with me there, talking, caring, and encouraging.

The 4202 paper clips are only my clients, I have no idea how many people I have touched or impacted with what I do and who I am. I am not even sure how many people I impact with this blog. Care to help me find out? Send me a paper clip if my blog has impacted you, or helped you. I will keep a count and post it regularly here. Send it to David Kellin PO Box 851 Kershaw, SC 29067 USA. Thanks for doing this for me.

2011-05-10T13:03:00.000-07:00

Justice for the survivors.

It has been a while since I have written. The blog says 2/20something was my last entry. I have been busy, and while that might be good in this economy, it does spell that lots of abuse is occurring. I have been in court several times recently. 5 convictions or pleas in child sexual abuse cases. This is a good feeling.

I want to spell something out, and I know that this is one sided and kind of absolute a look at this topic. I will no doubt raise the hackles of those who treat offenders. So be it. I do not believe in reunification in cases of sexual abuse when the offender does not get treatment. If I were the king of the world, the choice would be never.

The irony here is that if someone breaks into a home, it is understood that they can never return to that house. If you steal from a job, and are fired, don't go back. But if you sexually abuse your child, offenders are expecting to have relationships with the children. HUH! Sexually Abusing a child, should eliminate your right to a relationship with that child and any other child.

I have written letters with this theme in mind recently. Dads who think that you can do all kind of things to your daughter, and then expect since you are to Bio Dad, that you have a right to be with that child again. No, BUT HELL NO.

I have made this stand, and will side with the child always. I wish I could adopt all the children who now go on in life without one of their parents. The cruel irony is that I would love to be a parent, and yet have no living children. I have lots of therapy children, but none of my own.

Life as a social worker in the field of abuse can break your heart, and then heal it. I get to watch as the children heal, and I hope the justice is swift and solid for each.

2011-02-24T03:58:00.000-08:00

RIP Sara Elizabeth Kellin

Tomorrow would have been my daughter's 11th birthday. I miss her. I think of her daily.

I am writing today about her, because she is part of my life as a social worker. She is a significant part of who I am. I think it is also an important topic for social workers to read about.

You see, Sara was born early. She was born at 25 weeks. She was placed in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. She lived 3 and 1/2 days. She was very ill, and was terminal. She died in my arms. My heart broke in that moment.

Even now, I have a thought that rolls around in my head. It is that people will not view me as a father because my daughter was not here for very long. Was 3 days enough to be a father? I know I am a father. No doubt in my mind. But to talk about her openly, is to risk that thought that people will view that differently.

So why is this a social work issue? It is a challenge to you to check your perceptions about what is a father. How many days does it take to become a father? How many days or years of experience are necessary for the job? You see, when you are sitting there taking that history from a new client, and he reports having lost a child, do you see him as a parent, a father?

The concept of losing a child is also a problematic topic. I sometimes have a tinge of worry when I mention that I have lost not one but two children. Both were early pregnancy loses. I think that I need at least a year before I can join that group of people who lost a child.

It has been hard over the last 11 years, and now I find what I am counseling children who were born around the time Sara was, so as I sit there doing paperwork, I notice the dates. I am reminded of Sara. The Daffodils have bloomed here, they remind me of my son Chandler who died in 1999.

I am a dad. My life with my children was measured in moments. They will be with me for a lifetime.

BTW: If someone tells you that they have lost a child, a simple "I am Sorry" is best. Please don't try and find some comforting or religious remark. It really does not help. I remember someone saying "At least she is not suffering" I thought to myself, I could help her with pain, and hurt. I just want her here.

Also, please ask about the child, parent love to talk about their children, and most people can't handle listening to a child loss story, but the parent needs to tell it to heal.

Sara's Daddy

2011-02-24T03:28:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I run short on things to say.

I am sitting here trying to come up with a pithy or insightful blog, nothing is rising to the top of my head. This happens in therapy as well. Sometimes I find I have no idea where to go next in the session with the client. I stall.

I think that the public perception of therapists is that we sit like Frazier, and have a bright and insightful thought ready for every revelation by the client. Ha! It does not happen that way. Students sometime get worried that they don't know what to say in their sessions. It might surprise them that us veterans have those moments as well. I freeze from time to time. Even in blogs!

2011-02-23T15:46:00.000-08:00

Is it good to know all the information??

I have been having trouble with my car recently. One the temp gauge stopped working, and so I can't tell if the engine is hot or not. Useful information I suppose. BUT, rarely does the engine over heat, the temp reading has fluctuated wildly at times. Maybe a sign of a failing temp sensor? Huh. I was driving the other morning, and thinking about my worry that comes from NOT seeing the car's temp. I was worried I was not seeing a normal reading. I was worried for not having any symptoms in the car other than the failed temp gauge. What was I worried about? My car preformed as usual. Oh and then the idiot light went on. Check engine, So I hurried down and had the mechanic check it out, and check the fluids, Might be low on coolant, You JUST never know, right. So the Mechanic says the car checks out fine. SO the idiot light is for ME, I am the idiot. For worrying that is.

All of this got me to thinking about clients and their lives. They have sometimes much more complex systems than a car. And when some bit of information is missing, the worry sets in. Someone is late, the grades are not what was expected. OR even worse, there is no bad reports so something must be wrong. Information causes worry even in it's absence. I know of a client who is worried because someone from her childhood might now find her. 40 years later. There was no information to show this person even knew who, where or how she was. It was a worry with no information. I believe there is a song lyric about looking for symptoms without any clue.

As a counselor and social worker, I have to confront people's worries and fears. It is parcel to the job, and as such a big part of the tasks I help with. Many fears and anxieties are born out of lack of information. I don't have the information for them. It ultimately boils down (here a temp reference) to them developing an answer to the lack of information. Why did Sara have to die? What is going to happen to my job? Will grandpa touch me again? I don't knows have to be replaced with answers. Then anxiety and fear recede.

Thus, if my car boils over, I will know it over heated. The temp gauge is now unreliable as a symptom indicator. I can relax and just listen to the radio, and ignore the gauge as I have for a long while. Maybe the idiot light will go out also. I'm hoping!

2011-02-09T11:55:00.000-08:00

Seeing

I have been reading some recently. Having fun with the BN Nook I got for my birthday. My book is interesting. It raised several points that I am pondering.

The first idea is that we experience life in a first person mode. If you have played Doom or Call of Duty, you know first person games are when you look at the game from your eye's view. We see life like that. We can't see our chin, or our forehead. Our experiences are recorded like that. My experiences as a social worker are from my eye's view. BUT, when we process something, it is translated into a different view. We see ourselves or our physical representation of ourselves in the recollection. And that means we have added a level of processing to our memories.

Yeah, So??? I have been wrestling with the whole being directive with clients. And after pondering this process, I tried to think about the training I had that suggested the direct approach. I could see myself at the training. My view point was from the high floating viewpoint, not my first person view. It means I was interpeting my memory, versus experiencing it. SO, I tried visualizing the trainer in from of me, and talking to me about the training. I could not draw that image. I could not draw any direct images of the trainer, but only the comments about the trainer attributed to her from well meaning colleagues. WOW!, I started to grasp, that my dislike of the theory may not be the theory, but the trainer who presented it, and my typical passive aggressive nature means I wanted to throw this theory out the window. I did not, for something kept gnawing at me about this situation. I can see that was good now.

I wish that learning how to help others was a simple thing. That a workshop or a training series would be able to pour in the knowledge, but it is not that easy. Who we are impacts what we learn. I learn, but through the filter that is me. Social Work is an art, precisely because it is a theory that is learned and applied through the medium of a person. So when you notice that you are not wanting to change for a particular theory, check yourself at the door and look at the process from the first person perspective. In my humble filtered perspective this is offered

2011-02-01T08:46:00.000-08:00

Finding awareness

Today, my heart is heavy. A family I know as friends is grieving the loss of their family dog. I am hurting with them. I have never met their dog. My hurting is the bits of my life that resonate with their pains. For sanity, I have to turn off awareness of those memories most of the time. But on occasion, something reminds me of my own pains.

Turning off awareness of ourselves, it is a survival technique. Curios people have asked how can I work with sexual abuse of children. I guess there are a couple of ideas;

1. Never have experienced any trauma of any kind in your life, then you would never have internal feeling to content with, or
2. Reframe all experiences into something that is so extremely positive that you are not bothered by the hurts, or
3. Block your own reaction or severely limit them so as not to experience the resonance, or
4. Accept that hurts happen, feel them as they arise and learn from them.

I think the last is what makes good social workers. We feel and learn and join in with the person. Social Work is not a collection of procedures, but the art of relationship, and helping. I find for me, the first three options are unacceptable, and will not lead me to being the social worker I want to be.

So today I grieve with this family, not because I have to, but I just do. I will hurt and probably cry some and think deep thoughts, pray, and remember my hurts and losses. I will be human today, again.

2011-01-19T10:01:00.000-08:00

Webcam

I am toying with the idea of online therapy as part of what I can offer to my clients. I find that many travel for a lot of miles to get to my office. One family make a 100 mile round trip every two weeks. I have watched this process grow over time. When the webcams first came out, I was amused with the idea of online therapy. It was novel and certainly not going to catch on. Over the years it is catching more and more. Now I am learning that insurance companies will pay for the online services. The advent of webcams mounted in the laptop, is making it easier for the process to take place, and the free skype and ooVoo services play into the development of this service.

My curiosity is peaked again.I am reading more about it, and will probably enter the field as it evolves. The population I serve that would probably benefit the most would be the teens and young adults. The tech generation.

The development over the years of the internet as the social interface has made many changes in my work as a social worker. I connect with people in many more ways that the old office face to face paradigm. One thin on the horizon is meeting that I can attend via the internet, rather than having my back in the chair. Imagine having a client calling for a quick face time call, or consulting via text, text as part of the session. The boundaries are blurring as to what the typical client contact is. And that may be the biggest challenge for the therapist. Setting boundaries will be even more of a challenge and more imperative. When you have the face to face office visit in person, the boundaries are clear, I am with someone leave a meassge and I will call you back. With the instant connect and open access of the internet, establishment of set boundaries for contact and interaction will be required. Online from 8-10pm MWF for example.

It is a brave new world, and one that will bring new ways to face it, but still with some of the old dilemmas as before. I will keep you posted on my progress with the online process.

The Stigma of Being a Male Social Worker

2011-01-17T21:04:00.000-08:00

There are in my experience certain fields in social work that are seen as the place for males. I am not sure if others experience the way I do. My experiences have come largely because I work with children, and especially with my work with sexually abused children.

When I talk about work with the abused children, I get this look, like why would you want to do this work. I have parents wanting different therapists (read female). I am an almost 50 year old male working with a largely female child population. It comes with some stigma. Most from the general public.

It was not this way when I worked in a psychiatric hospital, I was just a social worker. Or when I worked in Mental Health, I was a mental health counselor II. There was not very much stigma there.

I notice now the subtle references to my maleness as a factor in decisions. Programs to offer that now include males that I doubt would have been considered before. The efforts to try and balance approaches and then glances towards me to see if I approve of the nod to boy's needs. The extra praise for counseling more boys than normally have been seen. I find that many are more comfortable with me being in forensics, versus straight therapy with the children. I guess forensics is seen as a more acceptable role for a male. Gender neutral, I suppose.

No one comes right out and says anything directly. But I feel it. I don't like it, but I don't let it bother me too much. The research backs up that good therapists and good forensic interviewers can do their job without worry about gender effects. I know I help others, and I know I am helpful to the children. It has nothing to do with my maleness, and everything to do with who I am.

Likes and Dislikes about Social Work

2011-01-17T18:21:00.000-08:00

Let me clarify, that these thoughts and comments are mine and relate to my work as a social worker, they are not meant to represent the field as a whole.

Dislike: That I have to charge clients to get help.
Like: That I can help others with their problems.
Dislike: The stigma that comes with being a male social worker
Like: Kids smiling from feeling better
Dislike. Playing the same games for 18 years.
Like: Getting to play for a living
Dislike: Not being able to help everyone I see
Like: Hugs, any time any where
Dislike: That helping others is a political target
Like: Collegues
Dislike: Business clothes and the Image one must maintain
Like: Having my own office
Dislike: Documentation
Like: Making Bracelets
Dislike: Student Loans
Like: This Blog
Dislike: Missed appointments
Like: New Friends in the helping fields.
Like: Being read all over the world
Like: almost 500 views a month
Love: My clients
Love: that others have breathed easier because I have lived.
Love: that you are reading this entry, Thanks

2011-01-17T15:37:00.000-08:00

Who do you see yourself as?

The work of the social work, or maybe more precisely my work as a social worker, is about helping others adjust, adapt and accept. The notions and ideas that we have, shape how we feel. I made a comment to a client today, that I find is true for all. At some point in each of our lives, we will be faced with something that should not have happened, or was not part of the plan. Everyone gets the chance at that. The resolution of those events, have everything to do with the quality of life after that event. Many of my clients can't adjust without help. I have viewed it like a death of who we were. The old person must be let go for the new person to emerge. Events change us. We become new people. What if the event is so horrible that we do not want to take it in. If we refuse, we suffer.

I related a story of a young girl who awoke with both of her feet amputated after medical complication to a pregnancy. She did not choose that event in her life, it happened to her. She will never be the person she once was. She can not go back. She can accept the new reality, and build a new life, or suffer the depression of wishing daily for her legs.

The "who" we are is constantly in flux. We are who we are right now, but that may not be the person who we will be next week or month. Self esteem is probably more like surfing that standing on the beach. A constant series of adjustments. The life of a social worker is like that as well. I did not finish college and decide to become a forensic social worker. That choice came with a series of adjustments and events in my life. I have been many different kinds of social worker over the years. I will be different over time as the days and years pass. It is kind of foolhardy to say, I am going to be a _____kind of social worker. You have no clue as to what will happen in your career or in your life. It is a guess, really.

So it is for some of our children, they get established in the world of growing up, and wham, a whole new event and experience shows up in their lives. What do they do, who are they now? the picture at the top of the entry is me many years ago as a choir member. I had no clue who I was going to become. That person was blindly naive to today's reality. So are you my readers, so are you. It is nor a bad thing, it is life. It is what our clients face. A death, divorce, child abuse, etc, all change life. So my question is who are you today? I might ask it again tomorrow and next week to see how that changes.

2011-01-14T15:59:00.000-08:00

Facing my flaws

Have you ever found yourself face to face with yourself. Today I had to face how controlling I am. I never thought of myself as controlling, such an ugly description. But it may be true. I find that I am worried about what others are doing and what impact it has on me. Thanks for the inspirational reading I had this morning. I hate that I have this trait.

It is strange to see how pervasive it is in my life. I recognise that it is largely fear based. Thanks Mom. I will not go into example, far too frustrating and embarassing. Leave said, that I worry a lot. I find it hard to trust that others will do what is in my best interest. I react to my perceptions of what others think and do. Oh heavens I am the Pointer.

Scoopers and pointers. If you notice a dog dropping, there are two kinds of people, scoopers and pointers. Scoopers just pick it up and go on, and the pointers highlight the problem and then keep highlighting it till a scooper comes along. I am in some ways a pointer.

So I have a choice now. Keep my nose in my own problems and efforts and become a scooper. Or keep trying to point out problems and slay them in my mind. I think I will choose the former.

2011-01-13T17:01:00.000-08:00

A matter of perspective

Wisdom is a matter of perspective. The quieting of the mind to make an informed choice. I find it a challenge sometimes to use my wisdom, and not my drive and desire. One of the hardest fights in life is to say no to the desires and thoughts that arise in our world.

It is the skill that comes in handy when working with people. Most are rushing to the fire without trying to understand the situation. I can't blame them, it is what we all do until we have some experience. The lessons of the social work career is to learn that there is a wiser way to see things. A slower and gentler way of seeing things.

Wisdom comes with the dreaded days and grieving of errors. It s not in the textbook, but in the long moments of self awareness.

2011-01-13T08:37:00.000-08:00

SNOW!!!!

The world around me stopped for three days. My home got 8 inches of snow on Monday, and then a quarter inch of ice on top of that, with temperatures that never got above 32. Needless to sat, the world stopped down here.

I am back to work today, and surprised and delighted to find my blog on a list of the top 50 Social Work Blogs. It is humbling to be in the top 50, and an incredible honor to be chosen out of so many. I am going to enjoy a 30 second happy dance................................ There! Okay, life returns back to the work of helping children.

I am a bit worried about the state of affairs in South Carolina. The New Governor is talking about major cuts in state budgets. Those of us in the public and non profit sectors know all to well this means cuts to children's services. Across the board, the agencies that help care for the emotional and behavioral health needs of children often take cuts in favor of paying for services to other groups. This kind of talk at the state level has me worried what will happen. There has been talk of SC not being in the Medicaid system any more.

Having said this, I fully recognize we can't spend what we don't have, and debt spending as a state is not the answer. The bulge of Baby Boomers has begun, and there is not enough money to pay all of that social security. It is not being talked about in the media, but in classes I taught on the social aspects of Social Work, we talked about it, and recognized it as a huge threat. The New Governor has a huge problem on her hand. I would not want her job right now. I support a change that reduces our debts and allows us to spend what we take in. I am not opposed to that process that she is undertaking. She really does not have a choice, it has to be done.I will support the Governor as a resident of SC. I don't think she and I will agree on much though.

In Human Behavior and the Social Environment classes I taught, we explored the fallacy of both the bottom up and top down financial processes. NEITHER work. But no one is suggesting any other options. We keep repeating the same ole song over and over.

That is what has me worried. So the cuts will be coming to children's services, and then we will spend that money on some other priority. The cycle continues and has been that way forever. I for one will be looking for the alternative. Some way to serve my population that meets the need without having the victim pay for the damages that they did not inflict on themselves. Ideas would be welcome!

Top 50 Blogs by Social Work Professionals

2011-01-13T08:08:00.000-08:00

Top 50 Blogs by Social Work Professionals

Wow, Humbled and Honored to make this list

2011-01-07T03:47:00.000-08:00

The decision to become

Thanks Gabriella for you e-mail. I will try and answer some of your questions over several posts.

I started college studying graphic arts, and was doing a work study in a emergency crisis home for children. One day a family of four sisters were brought to the center. Their father had killed their mother and so they lost mom and dad in one day. I became upset over the weeks because they were given no counseling. I made the decision to change majors and become a counselor for children. I change my major to human services (at community college). I transferred to a four year college to study psychology. I was intent to become a psychologist. I met and eventually married my first wife who was studying social work.

I was not the social advocate or the person who fought against injustice in the world. I was always the scientist. I was the one who studied the world. In fact my degree in Psychology was a Bachelors in Science rather than of Arts. And my specific branch of Psychology was Experimental Psychology (Research). My first wife talked to me about social work and the possibility of finishing after two years of graduate school and getting a job as a counselor.

I graduated with my undergraduate degree in Psychology, and enrolled in the Social Work program at the University of South Carolina. I focused my studies and filed placements on counseling and becoming a counselor. I was not the only one. There was a constant mantra at the college, that it was more than becoming a counselor. This is one of the problems that has plagued Social Work over time. It is seen as a quick way to become a counselor.

I graduated from University of SC and was hired by the state of Sc to work in the mental health clinic as a child and adolescent counselor in 1992.

SO why social work? I really wish I could say it was because of a burning desire to end social injustices. I was not that kind of person. I wanted to help kids. My burning and driving force was emotional issues of children and adolescents. I wanted to become the counselor, and did.

What may not be as evident, is that when I was in the community college, I was homeless and living in a homeless shelter for men in Columbia, SC. I had nothing but the clothes on my back. Entering college helped get me off the street and up on my feet. I had been homeless for about 6 years.

Oliver Gospel Mission

Today, I am a strong advocate for ending childhood sexual abuse. I can't say that even now almost 2 years later, I have become that strong social advocate to end all of the injustices in the world. I have come to care much more about those things. Yet, I am still the scientist, and counselor. I have used my social work education to further develop myself, and over the years to help thousands of kids.

I have come to really appreciate the depth and broadness of social work. It is not just being a counselor or a advocate for change. There are a myriad of ways to use the degree. Something my instructors told me repeatedly in classes. I have come to realise that I would have not enjoyed or flourished as a psychologist. It would have not gotten me to where I needed to go.

2011-01-04T21:33:00.000-08:00

Everything I needed to know I learned as a social worker!

What you live, you will learn and use to help others / You can endure much more than you imagine / You will have many peak experiences / You will have many great disappointments / We are not alone in the boat / Helping others makes you feel great / You are needed, important, and cared about / People remember you and how you interacted with them / You made a difference in someone's life / You are human / Your feelings matter also / You have more love than you know / Ask / Listen / Pray / Hope / Advocate / Crying is part of life / Being a social worker is a 24/7 profession / there is no retirement / Human beings amaze me / Doing the same thing over and over leads to burn out / sometimes what you say will be heard around the world / Confidentiality is an isolating fact in our lives / you will know more than you want to know, and not be able to talk about it /

To be continued...

2011-01-04T21:18:00.000-08:00

How is it seen?

I am humbled today. I started reviewing the stats for the blog today. WOW!!!! I am reaching all over the world with readers. To write something and learn that someone in South Korea and Lativa are reading it. And today a spike in readership, with 89 views in just one day.

What would you say if the world listened? What is the message you have to pass on? I think Ralph Waldo Emerson conveyed it for me, with some slight change in wording.

"To [Share] often and much..... to know that at least one person has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded"

My life, and hope you will embrace it as well, is to help others breathe easier. By sharing my life as a social worker, I can help you in your life. As part of this, I am going to ask for your feedback and questions. I know a great number of you search for the terms life of a social worker to find this blog. SO...

1. What would you like to know about the life of a social worker?
2. Any specific topics that you would like to know about?
3. Feedback on entries you liked or disliked.

E-mail me at dk.frc01@gmail.com with your responses. Include where you are from, and how you found the blog. Thanks, I think this will help make the blog even better.

2011-01-04T07:49:00.000-08:00

Who are we?

Is that not the eternal question? How are we is such a fluid and tentative process. It is not ever really answered, or answered for long. Self Concept, that collections of beliefs about ourselves, so strong for some, and fragile for others. Who am I as a social worker? I recall thinking on this question as I changed majors from Psychology to Social Work. All these years later that definition is evolved. I will be the first to admit, I entered the field as one of us who saw the two year terminal degree process to becoming a counselor. I had no burning social advocate positions. I wanted to graduate and go to work. Over the years the advocate part of me developed, I became a social worker. I find now that I am very much an advocate of the needs of others.

This weekend I took the time for a good cigar and a textbook on victimology. Yeah, like you don't have a vice or two! I read textbook, so there!!! Any way, the premise I was reading about was the concept of the victimologist, and the need to be objective. It clear demonstrates that there are those who are strong advocate who only see the victim, and those who are solely seeing the offender (called criminologists), and the vitimologist who remains objective and neutral.It spoke to a dynamic I see is abuse work. There are some who are hardcore advocate for the victim, and some more neutral. I tend to be more neutral in my approach. I have no burning desire to put heads on posts and dance around the fire. Does that make me less an advocate, or effective as a helper? I might argue that it improves my abilities as it allows me to see a broader picture of the issues at hand. Strong advocate stances can be restrictive in their scope of vision. I think we are all guilty of seeing what we want to see. If I am victim focused, will I not see victims? I think this also plays out in the criminal justice side as well. When a person has an allegation made against them, for some thatt person is then a suspect, an abuser, offender. Where is the proof? Because a child makes an allegation, does that immediately earn the title or label of victim?

The inherent danger for me is to get lost in not seeing the forest for the trees. I maintain a neutral stance, not out of disregard for the hurts and pain of the victim, but to help understand the whole picture to better address the problem. This put me at odds regularly with those who want a pound of flesh for the crimes committed. So be it. I have developed this sense of social worker over years of work, and observation. Don't think for a minute that I don't have deep feelings for the hurts the children report. But don't hand me a pole and expect me to dance around the fire. I will make the change in the world in an objective and sound way. That is just me. You will have to find that path for yourself. I wish you good hunting, and much courage.

2010-12-30T10:49:00.000-08:00

Direct or not?

I have had a dilemma in my work with children. That is whether to be direct or not in the therapy. I have studied the classic play therapy and also the more direct cognitive therapies.And I am still at a loss as to which direction to take. I respect the need for children to disclose at their own pace and that they are not little adults. On the other hand the length of time for counseling seems to drag out for a long time with some children. I wonder if they are just more coming for the toys and interaction. Yet when I get more direct, I wonder if that increases their drop out rates.

There is a movement afoot in the treatment of trauma to be very direct with trauma victims and get them to relate their biggest or scarest trauma and that will help them to over come the trauma. I am tore with this approach. I have found at time that talking directly with a trauma victim can lead to improvement. But, I am not seeing this on all clients. I reflecting on my own experiences, I am not sure that the release of sharing a trauma narrative would be all that healing. I have written in journals all about my history, but not shared them with anyone. I still have some trauma reactions today. I take that insight and wonder if my getting a client to tell me what exactly happened to them is beneficial, or letting them come to a point of trust where they want to share.

I am thinking, I have not qualms about being direct in teaching deep breathing, or re framing thoughts to help reduce anxiety. Am I avoiding the trauma narrative out of some cultural prohibition, or out of a misguided filtering through my own experience. Lets say for example, a child reported suicidal thoughts. I would not hesitate to be more direct on their intent. Or if their parents were divorcing, I would dive right into a discussion of their experiences, and reactions. But, I shy away from asking about sexual abuse, for fear of what? I don't want to intrude on their pain. I can't see the connection of talking about abuse as a clear treatment option.

Some of the times I have used a more direct approach, It has been successful, and those times when it has not been as successful, has it been a result of client or intervention. Had I tried the direct approach on a client that would not be indicated, and then labeled the failure as a function of the therapy, as opposed to my selection of that treatment model for that client. I am now suspecting the latter. I also find that as I stood very opposed to direct approaches in the past, I may need to reexamine them, and incorporate them in the future as a tool in the kit. Choices , oh the choices

2010-12-22T13:15:00.001-08:00

New blog about Trauma Reactions. http://traumareactions.blogspot.com/

2010-12-08T08:40:00.000-08:00

Expectations:

I love this picture. The little one looking around the huge television camera to see the next float in the parade. This is the essence for me of life. The way to live life, looking forward not back. Yes I spend plenty of time looking back at my life. Yet that Float is past, I have seen it, lived it, and remember it. What is around the corner, what lays ahead. That is the exciting part. Yesterday, I reflected on missing my children, and I did. But today is a new day, and new floats to review.

Grief

2010-12-07T09:04:00.000-08:00

Today as I was driving in to work, I started thinking about my children. My son Chandler and My daughter Sara died prematurely. That was 10 and 11 years ago. I still get sad at the holidays. This is a tough time for parents whose children have died. The TV is full of ads showing other's children so happy to get the latest item that is a must have. Even churches celebrate the family and how good it is to be with family. But what if you don't have that family. I have no living children, so for me this is a lonely season. I can sit with the children of my wife, but they are not my children.

As counselors and helpers, we become attuned to other's pain, and losses. But we turn them off when we close the door at night. Except when the pain and loss are ours. I am fond of saying that the challenges and events we go through in life are to strengthen us, and teach us something. But sometimes it just hurts. There is no lesson. I miss my children, end of story. I have done my grief work, and garnered the lesson from it, and I still miss them. I think that I should always miss them. They are an important part of my life. Grief work is not the elimination of the emotions around a loss, but maybe the adaption to that loss.

The quick fix of lets do counseling so you will never have to think about it again is a bit naive. Be it death, abuse, trauma, or your mother, you will always have those memories and the emotions that go with them. You adjust to them, not remove them. To remove this sadness, you would have to remove the memory of my children, and there by change who I am. Some days, I feel like a pair of old worn shoes, that have been bent, scuffed, and worn to a comfortable softness. A favorite pair of shoes. The shoes are favorites BECAUSE of the damage they have endured and made them soft and comfortable. I am who I am because of the DEATH of my children. So I get sad, and remember. I wish the little children were mine. I wish I could sit around the tree and open presents with my own. Instead, this year as many years in the past, I will take the on call duty and let other have a happy christmas and holiday season. Save some food for me.

2010-12-06T18:36:00.000-08:00

Catharsis:

Telling it all. I am faced almost daily with the dilemma of whether to have a client tell everything, or only the relevant. My thinking is often just the relevant. I find myself telling victims that it is not the gory details of thier abuse that I need to here, but the impact and meaning of the events. I think about Pennbaker's research into Journal writing. Pennbaker researched what made Journal writing effective, and he found that it allowed writer to connect events with meaning. That combination allowed for the resolution of the issue. That is really all therapy is about, getting the combination of events with meanings. For me the more important aspects are the meanings and emotions. I do find that clients will express those in session and not have to express them elsewhere. So sometimes a child will be angry with something a parent did. In session they can freely express the anger and it's connection to an event, and sometimes the anger is resolved then and there. The power of the meaning is for it's expression. That can be disapated without the object of the anger.

Let me give a personal example. I miss my daughter Sara terribly. I wish wish was here now. I am kind wondering if I would have gotten her a phone this year. Since, I can't talk directly to Sara, all my emotions might be forever bottled up. But, since I can express them in my journal, I don't have to carry them around. This is a tenet in grief therapy. We don't get to say good bye, or express our love for the one who was lost directly. But the expression is about us. We need to express. They are not required to hear our expression for it to be effective. I would love for Sara to hear me tell her how much I love her. She is gone now, and can't hear those words. But I still have a need to say them, so I say them.

Before all the family therapists get in arms with what I am saying, let me add a caveat. Current problems with a current relationship may require family work. Largely what I am talking about is those historical issues we hold on to. If you are having a current problem with a sister, then sitting down and talking will be a benefit. But carrying anger about a past issue may not be as necessary.

I have not talked to my family much about my past, the memories are mine to deal with. I know they love me, and support me, and so I am comfortable to not share those, but cope on my own. If there was a current relationship issue, that might be different.

I guess what I am saying is that spilling one's guts just to spill one's guts does not make sense to me, Share with the precision of a surgeon's scalpel. Enough to fix what is the problem.

2010-11-29T08:10:00.000-08:00

Social Work in the face of economic crisis:

There are many who are panicking now. Those helper and those grant paid professionals. The wave of conservatism has struck some fear into the helping fields. I have seen this before, and will see it again.

I too shared some of the panic, the worry that Governer elect Haley would cut state funds to agencies like mine that work with children. I listened to Mick Mulvaney talking about all the cuts she wants to enact. It seemed that the cuts will be coming from all sides. I took the Republican fear probably further in my mind that I should have.
Back when I was a teen, I asked my grandfather a question. I asked what he thought the future would be like. His reply, was "'bout the same as it is right now. Things really don't change all that much" Over the last 35 years, I have found his wisdom to be true. The world now, is different than 35 years ago, but not really. We still make telephone calls, and drive in cars on the ground. All the basics are still there.

So what is the take away/ No matter what the republican's do, the world will continue as it has, counselors will still be employed, and there will always be ways to help them. The fear is unrealized. Also, maybe the field of helping needs to work on adjusting the model that they operate on. Small private therapist offices in close proximity to the population they serve, may be a better way to operate. I operate a private practice in the town where I live. Insurance and victim assistance funds and MY DAY JOB. That is the thing I think is often lost on the politicians. Those of us who are working to help others, often fund our work by other jobs. My christmas money pays the rent for chistmas. I drive a car that is 10 years old, and live in a rental house. I subsidize my income with an Amazon seller account, and catering BBQ. I work 6 days a week from 8 to 8. This is because I don't get money from the government, or any grants for my Private Practice. I wish I did, I could just work 9 to 5 m-f.

The care will always be there for those who need help, because it is not about government money or state money. It is about the commitment of those helpers who give of their own do the work that is needed. So Govenor Elect HALEY, and Mick Mulvaney go one trying to punish the people who are working to care for the injured and hurting in SC, We are like grass, walk all over use, we will still grow back. The irony is that if these politicians ever had need of a child advocate or a trauma therapist, they would be screaming for the government to pay for the services.

One last point to consider, these millionaire politicians did not become millionaires by spending their money. Warren Buffett said recently that Trickle Down economics has not worked over the last 8 years, and he does not expect to work now. Hold on folks it is going to be the same as it is always been.

2010-11-01T09:22:00.000-07:00

Remember that some others will not see it your way.

I wish I could say that everything I said or suggested was accepted as right, true and just. Wrong. Some is, and some isn’t. Not so long ago, I was subpoenaed into court to testify on behalf of a client. I got to the stand and made my factual report and gave my recommendations. I thought sure I was on the side of the right and that my recommendations would be followed to the letter. Yeah Right. The court sided with another expert and took a whole different approach with the family.

Was I wrong? No, I present a different perspective. I have founds that there are a variety of different perspectives in life, and especially in the world of understanding human behavior. Not so very long ago, the treatment of choice for mental illness was a spike in the side of your head. 100% cure and death rate. We have evolved some, since that time.

The thing to remember is that we are not working with a simple block of wood that has finite properties, and if treated the same as the next block of word, will yield similar results. Nope, we work with human beings. People are the most fluid of beings. Today and tomorrow assessment will yield different results in the same person. Your interaction will change the condition and the response. No one is really alike to another. Similar maybe, but we are all different. We see the world differently and as such there is not a single answer to anything. At best, there are under ten answers to anyone thing, but that is not realistic.

Your challenge is to make the best decision you have with the information you have in the arena that you have to operate in, and present it succulently. And then to know, someone else is going to see it differently and present it differently. You do not have to agreed with their presentation, but you have to accept that they have a different view and are entitled to it.

2010-11-01T08:54:00.000-07:00

Some days it seems all or nothing, race or pace. Sit or run. Today seems like a sit, pace, and wait kind of day. The world seems right on it's axis and rotating as it should.

When I started in Social Work, I would panic with days like this. I would wonder if my work was going to end, or had the referrals dried up. Naive, I was as a young social worker. Work comes in wvaes, and there are lulls in the work. Sometimes just and hour, some time weeks, or seasons. Summer and the end of the year seem to be the times when the lulls happen most predictably. But it always picks back up, always.

I am noticing this in my private practice as well. I have gotten down to just a couple of clients. I will get more, but right now it is really slow. This weekend, I had a moment or two of that old panic creep in, and I quickly told my brain to shut up, enjoy the weekend, take in the Gamecock game and relax. I did. I watched the game and had some peaceful moments.

One thing I think we need to remember is that we need time to heal as well. Yes the world has a great need for us, and crisis will arise again, but we need to stand down from time to time and recover. We can't fight the fires forever without a break. There is no guilt in needing some time, and taking some time. I have had my share of guilt, largely self induced, in trying to take time off.

The truth is that we are a large group of helpers. Social workers, and therapists, counselors, caseworkers, etc. There are a lot of us, and we can help, and we share our help. So when one is taking a breather, someone else is primed, rested and ready to help. We do not do this alone.

So in this day of wait, I shall breathe, recover and watch the horizon for the next crisis.

2010-10-27T07:19:00.000-07:00

I was listening to a story told on The Moth on my IPhone this morning driving in to work. The story teller related a story of how as a war news reporter he had witnessed 13 women being killed in a war, and then later he was shot in the ankle. He questioned himself as to why it happened, and concluded he had been wounded to help him understand compassion.

It is something that I have talked about in Social Work. I believe that my experiences have taught me the compassion I needed to be the social worker that I am. My recent face book status was "We can not control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond to those events" The whole process of learning reactions, I feel comes from experience.

Take Social Work education for example. We read many books and articles in the college experience. Yet, some of the real learning comes in the experiences in field. Those in combination with life experiences are some great teachers. I am not advocating that one needs to suffer the cruelty of the criminal world in order to be a worker in that area, or that one has to have a resolved drinking problem, to treat alcoholics. But, I do think that those hard and difficult experiences have a valuable teaching capacity, if you allow them to teach you.

Weekly, people ask how I can work with kids who have been sexually abuse and not get overwhelmed, or so angry I kill someone. I think the pain in my life has changed my perspective such that I don't see it the same as others. It is like the common understanding of sexual abusers vs professional understandings of the pathology of the those same patients. There is a vast difference in those views. There is a growth and awareness that comes with experiences that books just can capture. It reminds me of the axiom I use with parents of teens. "their teen will have to learn by experience, rather than by parents telling them"

What do you think?

2010-04-12T20:40:00.000-07:00

Today's lessons

Today was similar to other days at work. I saw three clients, and felt blessed to help them. I have started a program called the Beaded Path, and the kids love it. They get the chance to earn beads for therapy related activities. They come in asking to work on one of the project beads. Very self motivating.

I have been bought face to face with some old ideas that I have held. Let me explain. I have for many years held the dichotomous position with respect to parents in abuse related cases. Offending vs non-offending. Either or, and not both. I recently got to work with a psychologist from another state. That psychologist is working towards the gray area in the contested battles of custody. He does not see one good parent and one bad parent.

I was taught to look at the whole system, and yet as soon as I entered the work world, the whole picture disappears. It is hard to treat the whole situation. Now days, my grant prohibits any services to offenders. This limits some situations in which the guilt is unclear, or absent. But because the person is not cleared, no services can be offered in our center. Here is the crux of the problem. How do we reunify or help the families, if part of the family is prohibited from services or even contact.

My humorous moment today was a little 5 year old talking to her lego creation saying the lego figure was not " in it to win it" Out of the mouth of babes, I am just saying

2010-04-09T21:56:00.000-07:00

Prodigy

I have a wonderful 12 year old female client who is a prodigy. She came to me thinking of herself as an outcast, poor and untalented. Today I watched her paint a t-shirt in a manner much like Jackson Pollock. She has talent. It need to be disciplined and refined, but is natural in her. I feel blessed. These are days when I love my job. The chance to see a child's self esteem blossom.

2010-03-17T04:45:00.000-07:00

Remembering Our Children:

At Kershaw Counseling, I am preparing for our first Remembering Our Children event. This is an event to remember our children who have died. I have created my Facebook event page, and started calling potential donors. It is shaping up to be a great event.

I have been to other events and am following a basic kind of template. I feel strongly about having some place and time to remember those who have died. Probably because I have had two children die. I find that I have a different understanding than what I had before their deaths.

I have often been skeptical of the claims that only alcoholics could help an alcoholics. I will not say that only bereaved parents can help bereaved parents. There is a great number of helpers who have not had the experiences of those they are helping. And yet, I find that I see deeper issues that were not taught in the colleges, and are not gained in reading books on grief. I can't put a finger on it, but I feel it.

I have labeled this before as the technician vs the artist. You can have all the classes and read all the books and be a great technician. I think some social workers can transcend this into the artist level. My hope all would transcend, but hear the stories that some don't. I wish I had the piece of knowledge about how to transcend.

I have great respect for those who work in areas in which I have only a technician's level understanding. Thanks to all of you, for our world is better because of you.

2010-03-11T08:54:00.000-08:00

Listening:

Let me explain this as the child explained it to me, I will try and get all of it correct but condensed.

" I am bored with talking about what happened to me. I have told it over and over, all the counselors I have seen have asked me to tell it and I get sick of it. I like coming here, you don't ask me about it, it is fun coming here.

Me: So you like that I don't ask?

"Yes, we play checkers here, and it is fun, none of the other counselors had games or toys. We just sat and talked, and it was boring."

Me: Okay, I will not ask about what happened, and if you want to tell me, just let me know, and we will talk about it only one time.

" Okay, (smiling)"

"Do you know what happened......?"

This child was amazed that I would play checkers with her, and not ask about all the negative stuff in her past. She was not pressured to talk, and this opened up the path for discussion. She is in the 2nd grade. I loved the feedback that I was different in my style and how I was different. More power for the interactive side of therapy. Makes me wonder how kids connect without games or interactive things. Start where the client is. How difficult it is for us as therapists to say no to the most vital of theraputic gems in favor of the therapeutic relationship.

2010-03-06T19:00:00.000-08:00

Why am I a social worker?

I think this also comes from others as " How can you listen to all the stories abuse day in and day out?" I have been asked this a number of times. It is a complex answer. First. It is not for the money. Fact is, I don't make a lot doing this, and see lots of clients with no ability to collect fees.

I counsel kids because it is who I am. Just like a surgeon can be who they are by cutting into peoples body, I am built to listen to kids. I get them, I understand what they say. I understand how they say it, and can speak it back. I speak play. I speak kid. It is not something I learned at the school of social work or in my psychology program – or any online psychology degree program for that matter. I can look back at pictures of me as a youth and the relationships with nieces and nephews. I have always been able to connect to kids.

I can be silly and paint with my fingers. I can construct legos and invent new things and names for them. I can still play. The ability to be myself is the ability to be creative and playful. So what can I do with this abilities. Legos and construction don't work well. Should I be an attorney who can play barbies with the client. NAHHHH

I am a social worker because it gives me the place for me to use my God given ability. Someone said to find a job you would do even if you weren't paid. Social work and counseling is that for me. I would do this even if I wasn't paid. I would do it because it is me.

So how do I listen to all the drama and trauma? First, I see children, not abuse. I see people not what happened to them. I battle with them the nightmares and pain that life has brought to them. I see smiles and peals of laughter at a balloon bouncing game. When a child talks about what happened, I am honored and humbled that they chose to share that most difficult memory with me. I try and keep a attitude of hope and healing about me. I want the children to know and feel that I believe they can be happy again. Life has not ended.

I am a fan of Yalom's work and the power of relationship. Please read "A Gift of Therapy" it is a great read. I think that I was given the ability to relate to children, so that I could do exactly what I am doing. It is simple as that. Not money, not fame, not even thanks. It is just right to do what and be who I am.

So don't giggle when you walk by my office and catch sight of me trying to dance. Smile with the giggling child who is able to relax and know the world is not all hurt and pain

2010-03-02T15:14:00.000-08:00

Therapeutic moments

A 9 year old girl who is being seen related to lewd act by a family member. She is art focused in her expression. She does not verbalize her feelings or talk about the events. She paints and draws them.

I am a hand trace fan. I love the hand tracings, and use them in my art. We worked together on one that is her hand with a heart I drew and some watercoloring, and she added the phrase, don't stop loving me.

Today, we were at the painting table doing watercolors with the watercolor pencils. I had seen a tree on a weekend retreat this last weekend, and so I drew it. She started with a rose, and added a tree. She started to mirror my picture, so I decided to make it a message painting to her. I added "No matter how life bent you, your worth does not change, you are lovable and special" I signed it like an artist, and put the year. She started a new piece and traced her hand, and added details to the painting, and in the hand she put " No matter how much you change on the outside, the insid stays the same" she initialed it and put the year.

I can't teach this to social work students, it is a spontaneous moment of connection with the client. This is what make Social Work an art and not just a science. The art of relationship, communicating in the client's language the messages they need to hear. I am so glad I take time to learn lots of different skills, I have never learned a skill that has not been used in therapy.

I am headed to Walmart in the snow to buy a frame for my art piece and it goes on the wall at home. God bless her, she may not really know how much today touched my soul, but I suspect she does.

2010-02-25T11:51:00.000-08:00

Part of the job?

I spent the morning in a court room waiting area at the family court. Just waiting. The parties' lawyers hammered out an agreement. I never set foot in the courtroom. This has happened before and will again. It is part of the process. It kind of reminds me of two armys facing each other and evaluating who had the strongest weapons, and the weaker army leaving before the fight. I felt like a cannon I suppose.

Sopeanas and waiting to get called, and waiting for someone to get convicted or the like. Lots of waiting. I wish there was an answer to all of this.

Grumble, grumble grouse.

2010-02-21T21:34:00.000-08:00

Life as a social woker

What is it like to be a social worker? I think for this blog, the question might be more aptly put, what is My life as a social worker? There are many worlds of social work, each social worker have their own life. So, lets talk about Forensic Social Work.

My life as a social worker is one of wanting to help those in need. Daily I work with 3 to 15 year old boys and girls who have been abused or neglected. I conduct hour long session with each once a week. The help is not focused on the details of the trauma, but on the coping that results. I see about 20-23 kids a week, and have a caseload of 32 children currently.

I am also a Forensic Interviewer, so part of my job is to conduct the interview with a child victim in a forensically sound manner so it can be used in court. The children I interview, I do not counsel. I will meet with them only once. It is the documenting of the outcry and first full professional disclosure by the child.

I help coordinate a multidisciplinary group of law enforcement, medical, prosecutors, child welfare, and other agencies. Our group shares information and works together to protect the child, and to prosecute the offender.

I do these activities 40 hours each week, and then I have a private counseling practice and see clients in the evenings and on Saturday. I work 6 days a week and often 12 hours a day.

I am active in my church and civic organizations. I cook BBQ at local festivals and help a drum group working to cure3 cancer. I read, paint, and take lots of pictures. On Sundays, I sleep through the NASCAR race.

I get tired, and sad. I am humbled to be allowed to help in this world in the way I am. I count it as a blessing to be the one the children trust to get help.

This is a tough job, and filled with lots of challenges. I love what I am doing, and fell content and fulfilled. I could not imagine a different way of living.

2010-02-20T15:04:00.000-08:00

Jeans Defense explained

In 1998 a 45 year old driving instructor in Italy was convicted of raping a n 18 year old woman. He appealed to the supreme court of italy arguing that her jeans were too tight for him to get them off himself, and thus she would have to assist with the jean removal, so she could not have been raped. The italian supreme court agree and overturned his conviction. This was obviously crazy, but it became known as the denim defense. It has seen been corrected in the Italian court. Jeans have become the symbol of sexual assault awareness.

Jeans

2010-02-20T06:56:00.001-08:00

I learned about the jeans defence this last two years. I am still amazed that more is notknown about it. It joins the other crazy excuses to do whatever evil you want.

I got the chance to explain it again today to a hair salon group of women who had never heard of it and the craziness of it. Education about sexual abuse and sexual assault never ends.

2010-02-19T13:31:00.000-08:00

A look from the other side.

I have had the chance to see many things from different view points. I have tried to see the world thought many different sets of eyes. Recently I began to feel sexually harassed. I was a bit annoyed at first, and this last week it got pretty bad. The odd feelings, and unsureness of how to react. The feeling of just not wanting to be around the person, and avoiding them as much as possible. These are all text book kinds of things until you are exposed to them.

I have had to deal with sexual harassment from the administrative point of view and stopping it from continuing in a work place. I have provided therapy for many who have experienced it and yet I was taken back when it happened to me. A reaction I was not expecting.

There is that stereotypical expectation that men are suppose to love such attention who ever it comes from. Sex is our thing we are told by the media. I bet there are readers who saying to themselves right now, "No way, men can't be sexually harassed!". Similar people who say boys are not sexually abused or raped. Naive! I was on all those accounts and reacted in lots of the patterned ways.

It has opened my eyes further to the daily life of women, and the ways they have adapted to life in this culture. I find myself thinking about how the teens feel in school from this new perspective.

Be aware that you will be taught lessons, and when you master one, a new one will arise. I guess I can now say, been there, done that.

2010-02-17T18:44:00.000-08:00

Jigsaw puzzles

When my son and daughter died, I learned of a metaphor about grief. The notion is that when a child died it is like you have been working on a jigsaw puzzle all your life, and the death is like flipping the table and the puzzle flies all over and you have to restart putting the puzzle back together again, but the pieces are now different colors and different shapes and some are missing. I found this an apt metaphor.

I was actually working on a puzzle tonight thinking about my job working as part of a Multidisciplinary team to help reduce child sexual abuse. I am responsible to get a second one started in an adjacent county. It is like finding the one piece that helps to get other piece in place. it is not the whole puzzle, but a start.

It just struck me how the jigsaw metaphor fit other situations

2010-02-16T19:37:00.000-08:00

The flip side

I realize that my past few posts have been kind of sad and negative. I will admit to times when it is sad and depressing. But the reality is that most of the time it is a joy to be helping the children. Therapy is not an hours of traumatic memories. 10 minutes maybe. The rest of the time is laughter, and fun. Creating, and exploring art. The notion of the depressing detailed therapy hour is a myth in my office. I tell some old ridiculous jokes, I make mistakes in putting things together. Laughter peals in the room. Recently, we have been playing balloon tennis.

Joy helps heal

2010-02-16T19:14:00.000-08:00

The belly of the beast.

I find my days rewarding, tiring, depressing, and fulfilling. I find that the day goes good till about 5 pm when the depressive moments hit. I am not sure why that time of day, even on those very productive days, it comes. It passes quickly. I think it is the awareness of the children out there who need help, that we have not heard about yet.

I am aware the growing number children coming into service. Every day brings some referral. It is depressing to think that our children are being hurt, abused and neglected. The really sad part is having to answer the questions about when they will get to see their loved one again. This is the really tough side of abuse work. As adults we would avoid like the plague the person who abused us. They are the enemy, the evil one.

With some young children, this is not true. Remember that most abuse is committed by those the child trusts. That relationship can be very close and enmeshed. The young children sometimes still love their abuser. They do not see them as evil. So they want to know when they will see mommy or daddy, or grandpa, or grandma. Tough to answer. The depth of love of a child is an amazing thing to behold.

I can understand the psychopathology of the criminal sexual abuser. I do not understand how someone can destroy the loving bond of a child. I find it hard to try and tell them that they can't ever see the loved one again. How does someone break their heart by abusing them? I don't understand.

I don't understand and it is depressing.

2010-02-15T22:10:00.000-08:00

A sad feeling

I have abounded with hope for the students I taught. I had high hopes for each and every one. I have had the thrill of seeing many succeed. Today I watch as some struggle. It is sad. I wish each could be the greatest social workers ever.

I struggle with the realization that not every person who enters the social work field is cut out for or is right for the field. I hate the notion of having to watch as someone doesn't make it into the field. Maybe many of these drop outs are from social work programs that possess an online degree, maybe they are not. It reminds me that this is a profession rather than a job. We are specialists in the field. Trained and seasoned to our profession. Not every doctor can be a neurologist, nor should they. I also am aware the attrition rate in med school is high. I guess I had never considered an attrition rate for socal work. But there is a percentage that do not make it.

I think this is also a factor in therapy and much of the helping field. There are a portion of clients who did not hang in there in counseling, or finish therapy. In fact the finishing rate is pretty low. I guess I have looked at it, or excused it in my mind that they are taking a break, or they will finish at another time.

While that works in counseling, it doesn't cut it in the training of social workers. You can stop and derail your career. You might get one try at it. I find it sad to know that there are those who will drop out, or otherwise not complete their training.

Why? It is the derailing of hope. The hope of their success, the hope of the clients who would have benefited from their work, the hope for our profession. The failure of a social work student could impact thousands of people. I am not so naive to think that all effects are positive. a failing social worker, placed in the profession could negatively impact thousands or more.

It is my deepest hope that those who are struggling will find their path and succeed. I will be sad that you are struggling, but know that you will find that is right in your life.

2010-02-07T21:08:00.000-08:00

The Battle

I fight a battle daily. I must hold the line between professional and personal. I used to think of this as a simple thing. I would turn off the world at 5pm. I could be who I was apart from work. I am not so sure that it is that easy anymore.

I have feelings, I meet with the children who have been abused and hurt, and I feel the anger, and the sadness. I know these are normal feelings. I find that it effects me. I have stopped seeing the world as a normal place anymore. The children I see may have or are being hurt.

I fight against this for I realize that my role as social worker is to be able to help while I am at work. But I have to turn it off after I leave work. It is hard. Sometime I get very quiet and reflective. I find I think about clients or the whole child abuse problem.

I have a young girl who has come for counseling, her daughter died of sids. I remember my own feelings around the death of my daughter. Writing about those feelings help. Locards theory says that whenever two things interact, there is an exchange. Yalom describes that therapy is beneficial for both parties. I firmly agree with that. I know I have gained from working with my clients. But there is a negative exchange as well. Knowing what has happened to the little children, places too much knowledge in my awareness.

There is a shift from technician to artist. I started as the technician right out of school, and as I have been shaped by my clients, I have become more of the artist. Where I see this most, is in the level of directness. I started as a play therapist, and was frustrated by hours and hours of play with little self disclosure. I have swung with the pendulum and am more direct.. I took some forensic training, and some Trauma focused traning. They are in some ways opposites in thier directmness.

I find now that I ask more direct questions, usually while painting or playing. The hybrid of play therapy and cognitive therapy. The way I apply it is ot codified as such, but it works for the clients. I am applying the art of social work.

It seem everyday now, I am learning more and more, and am aware of less and less time to make use of it. I want to go back to my first days of social work and done things differently. Oh Well!.

2010-02-05T01:35:00.000-08:00

It works

For her, she was unaware that we were meeting. She is just 7 years old, and is more interested in her snack. But the child protection worker, the guardian ad litem, the forensic doctor, the counselor, the sherriff, the prosecutor and and 8 other professionals met yesterday. Over barbecue sandwiches, we discussed as a group how to protect her and how to proceed with charges against her abuser. 14 people working for one little 7 year old girl. Lots of bits of information that were unknown to other professionals in the room was shared in an open manner. Everyone left better able to help her. She is the important person in this process, we do it for her. and it works.

The days of the counselor being an island is fast ending. We are learning how vital it is to apply a team approach to child abuse and neglect. The multidisciplinary team approach is emerging as the way to approach this problem. This is not to say that it is an easy process all the time. Often there are conflicts and intense discussions, but it works.

It kind of makes me wonder what the benefit would be for other issues. Could a multidisciplinary team help in alcohol or drug problems with teens, or grief, or school behavioral problems. Have we isolated ourselves in our professions to the point that the most effective care is missed. I am not sure, but I am thinking is may be. I know that I have felt like I was in a hole at times with the confidential nature of counseling. I have to have releases to share information, and the other parties I would talk to, have to ave their releases as well. The process stops the process. and that does not work!

2010-02-02T19:59:00.000-08:00

The session:

60 minutes
a flash or a lifetime
drags or flys
your time our time my time

Sessions stacked in a pile
Clients back to back
quickly changing
recalling

Shock
Awe
Hope
Pain
Drive

Deep process
Change
Growth
Delay
Regression
Termination

It would be nice
if our work was summed
into a work, phrase
Not

It is a dance
An exchange
A relationship
between you and me

2010-02-02T10:43:00.000-08:00

Be faithful in the little things:

It has taken me many years and many bumps to start to grasp this. I have always been the creative dreamer with lots of great and brilliant ideas. I once thought I could build a human powered helicopter from scrap towbar parts. (Maybe that is why they never turned me loose with my own jet to work on in the Air Force, HMMMM). I have wanted for a long time to advance, to be the top, the cream.

Not so much now. I have come to understand that mastery is mostly working at the basic and bottoms of things. I learned this with drums actually. I started drums about a year ago, and bought a couple of what I thought were dynamite drums. They are great, but now I wish I had the experience to know what I wanted rather than what was flashy. I learned the three tones and types of hits, and started making noise. Not music, just noise. Inspired by not guided.

Two events really changed my mind about drums. One I got to march in the 4th largest Thanksgiving parade in the nation this last year. The beats we did were very simple. It was great, but the beat was basic. Yet is worked. It worked well. Lesson one! Simple works

I got some basic drums for the children I work with. I was thinking of all the great things I would teach them. Twinkle, Twinkle... was the hit. Not what I imagined. Therapeutic and powerful for the little girl. I heard the voice of Yoda in the back of my ear saying ( "HMM, Humbled you are, HMMM! Yes ). As lessons go, lessons 2, david 0.

The more I struggled with this idea, the more I knew it was me that needed to change my attitude. I decided to just be good at doing, and not be the best. Novel idea, huh. But I guess the ideas come when they come. I would not have been ready 10 years ago. Or even a year ago. When the need arises the solution does as well.

Yesterday was a watershed kind of day. My boss called me in and gave me the task of rewriting my grant for my position. "Dang it jim, I am a social worker, not a grant writer". But looking at it now, I see the sliver of the process of being faithful in the small things. I have worked hard to turn in my paperwork and to have information as I am asked for it. I have tried to be good, but not the best at what I am doing, and now I am given a bit more responsibility. Novel Idea, Huh?

I am happy and sad at the same time. I am pleased I have figured out the next few steps and they seem to be positive in nature. I am sad because I see how long it has taken me to learn this lesson. As I age, I am finding that time is not staying the friend I knew it to be.

My motto has been "to share often and much, to know at least one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded." I guess I have, and the rest is gravy. Time to just do the good I can, and leave the big jets to the young people.

BTW: Ironic side note. This last week, I played drums with one of the world renowned hand drummers, Jim Brock. The novice and the expert together. Priceless

A Gift

2010-01-25T22:55:00.000-08:00

Have you seen the "Priceless" commercials? I recently had a priceless client moment. I was meeting a new client for the first meeting. She was just 7, and had been neglected. She was not fed enough and was kept from eating. I got a few snacks for the office just in case. She came in clutching her lunchbox. We agreed to eat lunch together since it was about that time. We eat and talked. She had a ziplock bag of plain Lay's chips. At the end of the session, she handed the bag with it's crumbs in the bottom to me saying, "these are for you".

How do you measure success? I was humbled by her gift. It reminded me that the precious things in life are the gifts given from the heart.

I recently read Ivan Yalom's . book "The Gift of Therapy". He talks about how we receive as well as give in our sessions with clients. There is an exchange. It is a relationship. I agree with him on this and the with his stance that while it is a relationship, it is not a place for us to do our soul searching. I have learned a great deal from my clients. I gain from getting to know them. How so?

The example above with the 7 year old is one. I watched as she was satisfied with her lunch and, I think, with the conversation. The trust was nurturing for her. She responded with what was the ultimate gift in her world, food. What is my gift when I feel satisfied, full and complete? What is that gift that means so much to me, that it is priceless. I am not sure at this point. I think time is one of those things I give that is vital to me.

Here is the thing though. The gift of the chips meant something to me. It might not have meant the same to another. It was a interaction in a relationship. Maybe the real gift is the development of the relationship to the point where the giving was possible.

I have been given candy bars, and suckers, lolly pops, raisins, drawings and other treasures by my clients. Because I work with children, I receive what they find valuable. I treasure every one. I eat the candy. I ate the potato chip crumbs. I eat with an awareness of the gift. As I ate, I wondered how many others in this child's life would have thrown them away as meaningless, or refuse to take them and instruct her to throw them away.

How about you? Would you have eaten those crumbs? What gifts have you been given? The biggest "things" are often the smallest things. Those things that have meaning for us in relationship to another.

40 + hours of work a week, hearing the hurts and scars of children, watching the steady flow of abused kids enter the doors. a bag of potato chips crumbs--PRICELESS!

2009-11-16T11:23:00.000-08:00

Rest In Peace Shaniya

This beautiful child was found dead today. Ending a week long search for her. This is the face of child sexual exploitation. She was taken by her mother and placed into child prostitution, and then the person discarded her dead body beside the highway. I am at a loss for words, I am hurting for this child. I am angry at a woman who would place this child in harms way. I am not sure all of what emotions I have right now. I feel like vomiting. THIS KIND OF THING HAS TO END!!!!!!! I have the same determination today as I had when I changed majors in college to become a counselor. Someone has to help these children, I am in, are you?

News story from CNN about Shaniya

2009-11-10T20:37:00.000-08:00

The value of the paper:

There is a debate out in the world of child abuse investigations. It centers on the possiblity of certifying forensic interviewers. At this point, forensic interviewers are trained, but not licensed or certified. The idea of one standard and certification is a hugely complex one.

The issue starts with the fact that there a at least 4 schools of training for forensic interviewing. Each is similar, and yet different. This means there is not one standard for what education a forensic interviewer must have.

Another issue is that of jurisdiction. Each area of the country has different prosecutors and court systems. What is acceptable in one county may not be used in the next. What is prosecutable with the local juries changes in place to place.

If we contrast the process with the social work process, we find that Social Work has a single national standard that all school of social work adhere to. It is one standard. Also the local social worker might do something different that the next social worker, but there are some uniform ideas of what a social worker is. Also each state licenses social workers. Here in South Carolina, the license is a practice license. It give the social worker the right to practice

In the discussion, an excellent point was made. Is the certification for the Forensic interviewer or for the child. What is the purpose of the piece of paper? Can we care for and help the investigation of child abuse better if we have a piece of paper, or a title?

I don't have an answer to this issue. As a forensic interviewer, I want to help the child tell their story and have to tell it only once. I doubt the children really care what letters are after my name. They are concerned with knowing I can be trusted to share the hard things that have happened to them. No letters behind my name can make my day happier than knowing that a child's life is better because I have done the best interview I know how to do.

If the State of SC chooses to apply a license to forensic interviews, I will apply and get my license. If some self described certification association is claiming to make my work better by my paying them lots of money for letter behind my name, I will pass.

2009-11-08T20:35:00.000-08:00

Why do bad things happen to good people?

This is the question of grief and confusion. It is the question of the abused, the parent who lost a child, the hurt and pained. It is a question with few uniform widely applicable answers.

I can only relate here what I have learned about answering this question. I frame the answer in terms of what was the benefit from the negative event. I look to what came from the hurt, pain or loss. What follows is the important part to me. Can I do what I need to do without knowledge and experience. Book knowledge is only so good for helping others. I assume that the drama and trauma in my life were the teachers of the experience that I need to help others. It provides in me the context of experience to be able to relate to another person.

I have worked with a lot of people over the years, and have talked and seen alot of drama and trauma. I have held hands with families who lost children, wailed and prayed with families who have lost husbands and fathers. I learned about death by experiencing death in my family and children. I will not say I am by far the best at helping the grieving family or person, but I can hold my own. My college education did not cover death, other than the concept of death and dying and the 5 stages of grief. A 30 minute lecture was all it was. I learned about death from my experiences with it. Holding the hand of my stepfather as he died, was my full introduction to the Hospice experience.

My experience in life is that I have been exposed and placed in places and situations that those experiences are most useful. So what did and do bad things happen to me? Because I need the experience to understand and connect with others and be able to help them. I was being prepared for my life.

I used to ask why? I came to my understanding. I may be wrong, and my concept of why bad things happen to me, may and probably won't work for you. It is my conception that fits with my life and my sense of self. You must answer the question for yourself.

It is difficult not to prescribe what I have learned to others. My sense of understanding of how life works is idiosyncratic. Everyone must develop their own idiosyncratic way of understanding the universe and the whys of how that works. I wish I could tell my clients that what I learned is the way she should go. My daughter's death taught me there are no singular answers. My way of grieving worked for me. Maybe this is why Therapy and Social Work is an art.

2009-11-08T08:41:00.000-08:00

Flu and journals

I am not sure if I have the flu or just feel off. either way with the national media has harped on this so much, I stayed home today from church. I have taken some time to write in my journal.

I have had trouble in writing in a journal. I was an avid journal writer for years. I began when I was a teen and ran away from home. I kept one up to about 10 years ago. At that time, my second wife read my journals for her own narcissistic interests. The trust violation was deep. I was able to forgive the first time, but when she did it again, I could not manage this, and ultimately the marriage ended. I am now just getting back to writing my thoughts down. I feel the loss and the struggle to reclaim that aspect of my life.

I have run into parents who read the diaries and Journals of their children, justifying that they needed to know what was going on in the life of the child. I uniformily tell them to stop now and do not do it again. The risk of a trust violation is too great for the information gathered. I guess the parents who do the have never kept journals.

So I have had to risk. It is a risk. To write exactly what you think and not edit what you write. For anyone who wants scientific studies on journaling, check out work by Pennbaker.

Today is an insightful day, a good day

2009-10-28T10:55:00.000-07:00

Depth of understanding:

I was reading about how the non-offending caregiver is so critical to the disclosure patterns of the sexually abused child. I came to see thing differently in looking at some power points on the topic. I was always aware that having someone who supported you was important to the process of therapy. I did not connect the dots though with the non-offending caregiver in the role of disclosure.

Basically, when there is a caregiver who believes the child on things prior to disclosure, the child is more likely to disclose abuse. But if the relationship is problematic or impaired, the disclosure will be withheld. Two interesting concepts for me here.

One, The way that a parent or caregiver believes a child statements on other things will impact their belief of the child in the disclosure of abuse. SO it is not just that the caregiver believes the outcry, but has she believed the child in smaller thing prior to the outcry. The nature of thier relationship and attachment is crutial for children to disclose.

Second, the impairment of the relationship, and or attachment may lead to a non-disclosure. That does not indicate that the abuse did not occur, but that the child is not able to disclose the information.

This discussion is not a bash the parents for not creating an environment kind of discussion. It is about understanding some of the deeper issues in how children report abuse. It is not just one single factor that leads to non-disclosure. It is a complex web of reasons. This is one factor I had not been directly considering. It isone of the factors of why only 25% of children report they have been sexually abused.

This just leads me to be more aware of the patterns of attachment in the child parent interaction in assessments. Food for thought.

2009-10-26T08:14:00.000-07:00

The Bravery of the small child.

What does it take to say someone has hurt me, someone has abused me? We all know the reports of rape, sexual abuse, and physical abuse are largely unreported. I remember in my Associate's degree program, I wrote a paper that detailed the impacts of sexual abuse on people. I looked at individuals who had experienced it, and the secondary victims. I tried to compute the more realistic number by including the estimated non-reported cases and their families.The professor liked the paper but said something about tortured statistics. I had basicaaly concluded that everyone had been impacted by the specter of abuse.

Now, some 23 years later, I am still faced with the question of what does it take to tell someone. The fact that someone is hurt is a complex issue. As a society we have the notion that if someone wrongs us that we will immediately jump up and exclaim our being wronged. It does not work that way. Just like the host of other things we assume to be true. There is no CSI lab like those on TV. Fingerprints are not instantly recognized. Lawyers don't get to do the things like is done on TV. And contrary to popular belief, children who are abuse 3/4 of the time NEVER tell. The 1/4 who do tell, don't often tell right after it happened. WHY we wonder, would you not want to have justice, right the wrong, and lock up the evildoer.

I will ask you to read a book. Erin Merryn has written her second book, living for today. In it she describes her process of coming to a point of telling about abuse that started at age 6. She did not disclose until just a few years ago. Erin gives us the inside look at the why of someone not talking about an abuse. She shares the complex inner work of the survivor.

There are theories about why we behave the way we do. None of us fully understand these concepts. I read as much as I can, and everyday learn new things. I am reminded of a little girl in a youtube video (mugglesam's Beauty is...) who looks right in the camera and says "Why, WHY, WHY!!" I think when we try to explain a what or a how with a why we miss something. Why implies meaning, values and some form of judgment. The who, what where when and how are descriptive, non judgmental. Maybe we need less of why does it happen, and more of what can I do to end child abuse.

2009-10-14T12:29:00.000-07:00

Red Eared Sliders

Got some new office mates today. I added two Red Eared Sliders to a tank and placed in my office. I think that turtles will help the children connect with the way we hide from things that scare us. I made it so there is a hiding place that can be seen from outside of the tank. A cave of sorts. I hope to incorporate this into my work with the children. I will begin with a naming contest. Then get some picture to convert to coloring pictures. The sound of the running water is very soothing as well.

I have always wanted to have some animal therapy in my practice. I have had fish and birds with little success. Yet here I try again. Why do I want it so much, that I am willing to try again? It is a natural rapport builder. People relax with animals. Not so much with spiders or insects! But, fish dogs, cats, and such are a naturally trusted entity. My hope is that the trust will build from there. then there is a metaphoric use of the animal. I am an example person. I draw the topic and difficult concept into a real world understandable example.

So for example; If you notice when you came in the turtles dived back into the water. Meeting someone for the first time may cause us to dive for safety. If you relax, they will come up on the rock and look at you to find out who you are. They have to come to a point where they feel you are safe. Therapy is kind of like that. We have to get to know each other before we will risk sharing more of ourselves. We will hide at first then slowly come "out of our shell".

I don't know, but I suspect kids might open up to the turtles as well. In my wife's 2nd grade class, she get several letter each year for the turtle in her room.

If nothing else, I think they will lower my blood pressure and give me some moments of joy.

Re-creation

2009-10-13T01:51:00.000-07:00

I posted a new picture on the blog main page. Not the typical picture of what most people think of as a social worker. I think of it showing a social worker improving his practice.

Time down, re creating ourselves. It is so vital, and yet so hard to do at times. We see the next fire, the next emergency. The next appointment is just minutes away. How do you say no to helping someone else? Maybe part of that question needs to be how can you say no to helping yourself? Every helper needs to have time to re-create. I chose to use that word the way I did. We need to re-create ourselves. We need to re-build, re-new and re-fresh.

We encourage our clients to take time for themselves. We ask them to not send every moment worrying about outcomes that can't change. Why do we do that? Because we know that clients over stress, and take on too much.

For me, this means making BBQ and making soap. This weekend was the annual Hog Jam (www.hogjam.com) I have been helping organize the event for 4 years. I was burned out on the process. So this year I decided to cook and sell BBQ. I make DKBBQ the "worst" BBQ in SC (worstbbqinsc.com). I had a ball. I cooked two days and got two hours sleep in the front seat of the car. I made a nice profit.

WHAT does this have to do with social work?? I got to spend time with people who were not sexually abuse, or facing PTSD. I did not have to evaluate any parents for custody issues, or treat the people I met for sexual offenses. I got to see, and interact with "normal" people. My perspective was once again broadened out to include the fact that not everyone is in need of my help or services. So going back to work today, I can breathe easier and have some excitement in helping again.

Hog Jam Awards

Above is the picture of the Hog Jam Awards. I took third place in the tasters choice contest. Recognition helps. I look at the two days of Hog Jam differently this year. I am beginning to see how it is part of me following my own advice to clients. SO, go re-create a bit and follow your own advice. It can be a blast

2009-10-04T13:43:00.000-07:00

This past couple of weeks has been educational. You might think that after 18 years I would have a grasp on what social work is, and what I do. Yeah right! Here is the thing. When I started my career, I read a series of articles by Finklehor. Great articles and insightful. This past few weeks I have come to realise how early in the field of Sexual Abuse treatment I was. I got started just as some of the ground breaking research was being released. It was a prespective I did not have. I guess I assumed back then, that theories and treatments were around forever. I assumed wrong. I was learning as others learned. Why is that a big deal? It highlighted for me how new all of what we are doing is. We are the ones leading the way. What we learn by doing may be a novel and exciting new idea. It has not all been solved, tested and locked into practice. It is exciting, and yet a challenge.

I think it is daunting for me to think that I have been doing this for 18 years. It doesn't seem like that. I sat with some "new" social workers and realized some of them were in Kindergarden when I finidhed college. I feel old. I wonder if the younger social workers see me as that old dinosaur in the field. I doubt it has gotten to this point. But I guess it will get there some time. I just feel I am learning enought to really know what I am doing. Expert, Professional. Really only for a year or so. Before that I was becoming those things.

I am happy to be where I am. I think back to all those I have talked to and helped over the years. It is humbling to know I have been given the chance to be involved with their lives. I will be the first to tell you I entered the field of social work because I wanted a two year ternimal degree. Thank goodness social work kept after my true social worker soul inside, There is so much more to this than just the ability to counsel others. I wish there was a way to instill this in new social workers.

It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them! -nietzsche

2009-08-31T08:33:00.000-07:00

Challenges:

I recently have been researching the use of polygraphs. Many of us are aware that the polygraph is used as an investigation tool. It is inadmissible in court because it is fallible. Recently I became aware that police are using them with victims. I was incensed.

I have softened in the past few days. I have not decided they are okay, but I began to think about the law enforcement personnel who are using them. They probably love the children just as much as I do. They are probably just as concerned about the welfare and justice for these children as I am. They use means that I might not agree with, but they are trying to help in the way they can with the tools they can.

I think this is also true of all the helping professions. Child welfare workers care and want the best for the kids, Medical Social Workers want the best for their clients. I guess there might be people who view the child therapist as someone that might be uncareing because of the processes we use.

The truth is that we all care, we are all wanting the best for those we wish to help. My way is not the only way to help. It has taken a long time to see this more clearly. When I reacted to the news of polygraphs with victims, I did not listen to the whole issue. I saw it from the narrow viewpoint of my therapy skills. I have had to turn on my listening apparatuses that are attached to the sides of my head. I need to know the whole picture.

Seek first to understand....

Listen, understand and then do....

My challenge to you, the next time you think that you are in the right and that other agency or person is doing something you might not agree with, stop and consider the whole picture and if they in their way are doing that they can to help as well. Than make your choice as to how to respond.

2009-06-23T13:02:00.000-07:00

Patience, Patience

I have been employed at a child advocacy center as a program coordinator. Duties include forensic interviews and child and adolescent therapy for abuse. I have only been working part time since April 2008. Today, I got word that they have gotten grants approval to make my position Full time. It pays to wait and then wait some more.

2009-06-09T14:39:00.000-07:00

Multifamily work:
I have noticed this year as I have been working directly in the sexual abuse counseling of children, that I have encountered more than a couple, more like 5 families where I have had to open counseling with more than one client in the family. The highest was a group of 5, but most are three children. This is not one abused child, and then counseling for the rest as a proactive measure, But multiple abused children in the family.

I have not run into this often, but this seems to be the year for it. I am humbled again today by the children. They are such hard workers, facing such horrors in their lives. I witnessed today how Love can transcend the horrors of life. How the bonds don't get broken. It is sad to know that the young person is headed on a road that will break their heart, and wondering how that will effect her life later as a young adult. ( she was not offended against).

People look at my job, and wonder how I could go in each day and hear the horro stories. It is odd, because what I see is trust rebuilt, hope, love, faith, growth, and refound happiness. Why would you not want to do this work? Maybe it is like those who have been traumatized say, "if you have never... you can't..." Unless you have done the work I do, you can't see the miracles. It is hard, but rewarding. Grateful I am.

2009-06-08T19:01:00.000-07:00

I want to post about an issue that has come up for me. The testifying to court for family issues, specifically custody. I have found this. Evaluation and therapy are different birds. Don't mix them up. If you are doing clinical therapy, you really don't have a place in court. WHY? because the statistics show about 95% OF DIVORCES AND CUSTODY BATTLES HAPPEN WITHOUT A SOCIAL WORKER REPORT OR TESTIMONY. And of the reports given by social workers, only 58% are considered anyway, and the most important part of the report is the diagnosis.

I have had to learn this the hard way. I was one of those good hearted social workers who would support even in court the needs of the client. Oft times drawing conclusions on things I had no basis for. Before you jump on that. Let me give an example. Client visits parent, parent is very violent. Client is afraid to visit and is showing signs of PTSD. Before my conclusion would be that this father does not need to be around this child, for the safety of the child, no visitation. Now, I understand, that If I have not assessed the father, I can not speak to this issue. I have no foundation for the conclusion. I can talk about the worsening PTSD symptoms and how she wishes not to return to her father. But I am limited to the facts that I can back up.

I have found this as part of the role of foernsic interviewer in child sexual abuse. I can't draw conculsions, but just state the facts. Purely reporting what I see. As a therapist, I have some more latitude, but less power. Therapists really need to keep out of the court process.

Alas, no one ever explained this to me, I had to do some reading. I am not there yet, but getting there.

BEFORE you agree to a court process, ask yourself. "what legal question am I to answer in this case" for that is what your testimony will be. If the court is looking to know when is the best time for a offender to be allowed to return home, Testifying about abuse patterns and how much better the child would be with termination of rights, is no answering the question. Make sure you have a clear question and can answer it, and remind yourself, that what you say or reports is only considered 50% of the time.

Check out "psychological evalustions for the courts, 3rd ed." by Gary B. Melton

2009-06-02T18:58:00.000-07:00

Awesome. As Bill Engval puts it. The something that leaves you in awe and wonder. Today was an awesome day. I got to work and found that there was a write up in the local paper about a perpetrator who was arrested for abusing a child. It was a child I had been able to help get their story told. The awesome part was the public recognition by the captain of the investigation unit as part of the process. It is the next step on forging improving relationships with community agencies. As awesome as recognition is, it is tempered with the awareness that a three year old suffered. So it is not joyous. I am not jumping and singing. Thoughtful is probably most accurate.

Then late this afternoon a new client brought in a note saying thank you because she knew I was going to help her get better. That note goes in my shelf of special gifts.

Hard to have a bad day after today. So tonight I am just thankful for being able to be a social worker and be making a difference

2009-06-02T04:28:00.000-07:00

I did not start college to be a Social Worker. I started in Commercial Graphics. I had a work study position at an emergency shelter for abused children. $ girls were brought in one evening. Their father had murdered their mother, and so in a day, their world was destroyed. I watched for days as the girls did not get any counseling. I was appalled. I changed my major over to Human Services. I remember thinking, if no one will help these children, then I would. Thus began a career.

Drama and Trauma. That is how I describe my work now, lots of drama and trauma. I do not regret a moment of this last 17 years.

2009-05-31T21:36:00.000-07:00

I have pondered talking about this for a lot of years. I have always held it as a shame on me that I have been homeless in the past. When I started college in 1986, I was living on the streets of Columbia, SC. I mean literally living on the streets. I would sit on the grounds of the state capital and watch squirrels. I slept at night in the Oliver Gospel Mission. I have felt that this would turn people away if I talked about this.

You see, we talk about clients, and work to help them become all they can be. I doubt anyone in 1986 thought I would be a social worker. I suspect they thought I would try and fall back. How do I know? I thought that was what would happen. I never expected the way my life was to turn out to be.

I now teach, and am a sexual abuse counselor with a private practice. Outwardly, you would have neve3r guessed I was homeless in my life.

I have wondered how this revelation would have on my work. Will my clients want a therapist who was once homeless. Would my history of homelessness impact my work in the courts. Is it still a liability?

On the other hand, how much more help and hope would have been given, if those who were helping me could have seen the results to come. How will you and I treat the homeless person we meet, if we could foresee if they became a doctor or lawyer. If my speaking out will show that it can happen, then you can not be unaware. We can't know who is going to be what.

I will be writing more about this in coming posts

2009-05-08T12:33:00.000-07:00

I printed out a pdf of a book about touch education for children today. I was appalled. The book goes right to the old way of thinking about perpetrators. It makes strangers the evil people and friends the good never hurt you people. WRONG!!!

The fact is that most sexual abuse happens by known and trusted people in the child's life. Strangers are not the worry, it is the people in the home or in the family, or church, or school.

I am sitting here trying to recall the number of stranger initiated abuse situations I have helped counsel the children. In 17 plus years, I can't recall any. The family members who have been harmful are numerous.

2009-05-07T20:45:00.000-07:00

Every semester end, I get the chance to see the newest of the social workers enter our profession. Today was that day. I witnessed a group of students I had the opportunity to teach and watch as they learned to become social workers. There ois a pride that comes with this day. Maybe even a sense of connection, a bond. These are some of MY students. I helped get them here. WOW, what a gift that is.

I often explain to my students why I teach social work. I am one person. I am limited in the number of people I can help. But teaching and sharing that knowledge that I have been given and gained by experience, I can end up helping vicariously through many more people and many are helped. I multiple the helping effort by teaching. So these students carry some of me with them, and the inverse is true. I carry some of them back into my life and work. Locards principles are true.

So congrats to the graduating class of Master's Social Workers from Winthrop University. I am proud of you.

2009-05-04T20:18:00.000-07:00

I really hate court. People fighting for their own interests and trying to discredit others. There is no winners in this kind of situation. I realize that there are positive outcomes that happen in court. Children are protected from abusers.

Those families that fight over custody are just wearing. I can understand those clinicians that choose not to work with families in custody battles. I guess I used to think of them as being picky about the client's they work with. But, over the years, I have come to appreciate the wisdom of this. I wish I could do that, refer and just see who I wanted. Alas in a one counselor town, those options are limited.

What do we do to change this trend. How can we get parents to not hurt their children, and not fight over them. That is a huge unanswerable question. It has been around forever. I suspect it will be with us for a while.

2009-04-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

I love technology. I have gone small.I have purchased a new mini laptop. 8.9 inches. It is small enough and light enough to serve as a carry along with all my jobs. I like its' speed.

What does this have to do with social work? I needed a platform to have my EMR on that could be with me where ever I go. I used to have it just on a desktop at my private office. But I have clients in may other locations, and I felt I was missing some details. This will allow me to add note in the car, or at my other work locations. I can also add those clients from other centers into my common EMR. I also have installed One Note that will allow me to take organized notes at meetings. and finally it keeps all my correspondence synced with my phone.

10 years ago, I would have never dreamed of this day. I have grown and it is good.

2009-04-23T12:43:00.000-07:00

Reflecting today on all the extra education one gets after graduation and enter into the field of Social Work. Today, I finished a year long learning collaborative about Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Sometimes it seems like these types of theories and ways of helping should have been figured out ages ago. Yet it seems at times like I am at the crest of the wave of change. I can recall as an intern and in my first year reading David Finkelhor's papers and they were the cutting edge then. Now those papers are just the historical basis for his current work. Have I aged that much. I recall when CBT was all the rage, the newest and greatest thing on the scene. Here I am doing training on it again. Probably not my last.

I have made it my business to be reading and learning something new everyday. I keep books at hand most of the time. I remain curious. It is tiring after a while. and then recently it hit me, what good is the knowledge when I retire and am no longer practicing. Wait, I am a social worker, I never get to retire. Question answered. Just kidding around folks.

So today, I am tired. A nap sounds so good. then I can finish listening to the online lecture on profiling child sexual molesters. At least up to the start of Survivor. One has to have a break sometimes.

2009-04-21T19:01:00.000-07:00

Proud, I am

I am impressed by my students. I have the wonderful opportunity to teach some classes at Winthrop University. I teach introduction to Social Welfare and its' lab, and the Human Behavior in a Social Environment. This year, I have again assigned the Social Welfare Lab Class an assignment to do a blog. There were the initial grumbles, to be expected.

And yet, the students have impressed my beyond the expected. Several have garnered readers from outside of our program and in fact outside our country. They are impacting people across the world. How could I anticipate that. Several have been very open and spoke about what they really felt.

Over the years I have had hope that the students would do well as they entered the field of social work. This year I have HOPE, and a sense of excitement. People are going to be impacted positively by interacting with these budding social workers.

So it is with pride I come to the end of this semester. And mixed with the hope and excitement is the sadness. I will not get to see them each week. I can follow at a distance via facebook, but it is not the same.

Burning Candles

2009-04-12T22:38:00.000-07:00

I have been burning candles on many different ends. Kind of one candle with 6 wicks. Those who know me, know I go 6 days a week and sun up to sundown. Lately people have been commenting about how they did not understand how I could go on as I do. My wife commented that I needed some saturdays just to relax.

In a logical sense I agree. It would be nice to relax. Then I think about the first client from this last weekend. I saw a teen girl who had made an allegation of a family member fondling her in her sleep. I talked with her about what happened. A single tear ran down her face. I gave her some scales to complete and her PTSD severity was the highest I have seen in a client in a while.

How do I trade the hour I spent with her, and the help and healing she got from someone believing her and setting a plan to help, for an hour of tv, or watching the cat chase a toy on the floor.

It is the challenge of the social worker. The ability to help, and the mass of people to help,and yet the need to recharge. Caring for yourself is one of the jobs of the social worker. I dread the day that is coming when I will have to stop working. I am aware that one can't work forever. My time in the work world is limited. I may only have 20 more years. But now 20 years into the process, it doesn't seem so long.

Maybe most telling was my wife's comment that she does not find that I am as happy as I used to be. She saw me happier when I was going and judging BBQ on saturdays. Since I started my private practice, she feels I am not as happy. I would agree.

2009-04-10T00:24:00.000-07:00

Times have changed since I first got into the field of social work. In the early 90's I was able to take the training to be a rape crisis volunteer in Greenwood, SC. I then began my work as a social worker. I went on one hospital call for a male who had been assaulted. You never forget these kinds of things. Today, I attended the SCADVASA press conference in Columbia,Sc to help raise the awareness of sexual assault. The speaker mentioned that this year over 700 boys were sexually abused.

I have been working at my present agency for about a year. I am finding it very rewarding. Some folks ask how I could listen to children and adolescents talk about their abuse. It is weird to hear what people are concerned about. The public perception as it were. The reality is that I get to hear more about the feelings and meanings. Less of the trauma and drama.

Working with children may involve an hour of time spent together for a total of 15 minutes of direct discussion of painful information. The healing comes in many directions and actually saying what happened is one path. I find that often the child will reveal a piece of information and then stop and watch and test my reactions. That may be the more healing factor, how I respond.

2009-04-02T14:47:00.000-07:00

Journals:

I have always been an advocate of writing in a journal. Several years ago a trusted person read mine and created a block that has lasted years. The block I think is broken. I had jotted information and notes about my baby daughter's life and death. Below is an excerpt of my blog about that book.

"Another passage brought me to a stop. I had written about the end and the decision to withdraw the artificial respiration. I wrote that I had placed my hand on her chest and could feel her heartbeat. I moved my had to feel her feet, which were cold, and when I placed my hand back on her chest, I could no longer feel her heartbeat. Grief took that memory. I did not recall that independent of the book. Had I not written, I would have lost that memory forever. I am comforted now knowing that I felt her heartbeat. I will choose that memory to hold now."(http://sarakellin.blogspot.com/)

I needed that memory, and I have lost so many over the years because of the block of trust. I know know I need to write, to record and remember. The good, the back and the whatever.

Social Workers, ENCOURAGE writing, and set the example. People need to know the power of written expression, the power of a healing phrase or paragraph even 10 years later.

2009-02-28T04:04:00.000-08:00

You have to have been there...

Several times in my work as a social worker I have drawn on my own experiences to understand what is expereinced by others in a similar situation. I just finished a blog post about my experiences with the birth of my daughter, and the feelings that happened when she went to the NICU. Reflecting on the posting, I realised that the raw feeling I had and expressed are those inside feelings that only one in the situation could know. The feelings are beyond the logic of the situation. Let me explain. The staff of the NICU needs some time to set up the area for the child, and to do all the necessary checks and in the case of my daughter, place an intubation airway. They exclude the parents during this process. Logically it is wise and normal. But how would the average worker know of how that time causes a parent to feel insignificant, and excluded. The helpless feelings may even be deduced by a observing social worker. But most stick to the logical and just see the surface feelings and respond to them, and this is when the client feels that you are just doing your job. I think this is why some clients say you really can't understand what I an feeling unless you have been there.

As a corollary, the traumatized client faces this as well. The details of the abuse may not be the primary damage. For example if both a boy and a girl were abused by a sibling, and were witnesses for each others abuse. The girl may not report her abuse as the most troubling, it may be what happened to the brother. This is an actual process I have had in the office. SO, it is best for us not to look to what might be the "normal" expected responses, but what are those unique experiences for that pesoan, and work with them.

2009-02-26T23:35:00.000-08:00

Multidisciplinary Teams

Across the nation MDTs (Multidisciplinary teams)are working to help coordinate the care of the victim of abuse. I had been unaware of these groups until this year. A basic MDT consists of law enforcement, social services, solicitor or prosecutor, child advocacy center, and mental health. The goal is to coordinate information across agencies to reduce the number of times a victim has to repeat their stories, help the victim from a holistic perspective and promote increased/improved prosecution of perpetrators.

I have been assigned the MDT for Kershaw county here in SC. I help coordinate all of these agencies and help set the agenda. It involves lots of networking, and database work. It is rewarding to know that the process works to help the children.

The MDT process starts with the forensic interview of the child. Initially there can be several agencies who need to know the story of what happened. Imagine 6 different assessments where the clinician would ask the child to repeat their abuse details. The MDT help reduce this by setting up guidelines about the roles of each agency in this process. The CAC / Forensic Interviewer will attempt to get the most intense and complete story. The interview is video taped, and then the DVD is shared with other agencies as needed. Other agencies practice a minimal facts interview. Just enough information to get the process started.

Sharing information about the interview, and then information about the current situations helps all agencies make better plans for care. A holistic approach looks not only at the child, but what supports and risks exist for the child. Then a plan to address the risks and enhance the strengths and supports for the child and family.

This agreement to share information on a regular basis creates a strong safety net of caring professionals around the child. It is sad that not all areas have strong MDTs. Not every agency is willing to participate. Some maintain the old turf battle and agencies protectionism.

My work with the MDT is rewarding. I find that it is reinforcing to be part of the process of protecting children. I wish the need was not there for the MDT, that child abuse was not an issue for children. But, because abuse is present, I am glad the MDT is there to help.

2009-02-19T14:34:00.000-08:00

Not No, but HELL NO!

I am so angry right now. I learned today about something and it just crawled under my skin and died.

I have been working to help with the child abuse walk in our area, and have been having clients decorate t-shirts and I included Jeans this year. I had thought the jeans were a nice visible object to get the message out.

At our staff meeting, I was informed of the story behind the jeans being used in relation to sexual abuse.

In Italy, they have had laws that suggest that a woman can not be raped if she is wearing jeans. The reasoning is that the rapist could not get the jeans off without the woman helping. Whoa, that just flew all over me. That is insane.

I work with children who have been physically and sexually abused, and if any of the offenders tried to say that one of the children was not raped because she had jeans on, well... I can't put that in words. How dare they conceive of such nonsense.

I am having a jeans day for my students, and we will be decorating jeans to be displayed not only at the walk, but year round. This is not something I can let go.

Sorry for the rant, but just wanted to say that openly.

2009-01-26T16:38:00.001-08:00

I was moved again. I got to see Erin Merryn in person this last year, and was moved by her presentation. Today, I got to see my students moved in a similar way. The impact of honest and open words. Clearly saying what needs to be said.

I was humbled also. I know that one can be moved, and then drift as the burdens of the day's work creep in. I work in a field of counseling and interviewing children who have been sexually abused. Even I can lose perspective. It is like learning CPR. You have to keep refreshed.

I am proud of my students. I have thrown a lot at them so far this semester. I have had a presentation on Suicide, and now one on Child Sexual Abuse. Instead of being overwhelmed, they are rising to the occasion. Learning is happening. It is exciting. It is leading me to think about how do I go and capture more media presentations to help bring the points home.

It is nice to feel inspired.

I had a mother recently, thank me for being willing to talk to her daughter about the abuse she suffered. She commented that is takes a strong person to be able to hear all I must hear. Maybe it is like a shift in thinking. I don't get lost in the details. I try and remember who much better their life will be when they can say what happened. What is the cost of giving the child a chance at a more whole and peaceful and happy life. When I see the successes like Erin, I know that there is no cost too high. You go Erin! And thanks for allowing me to share your story with my students.

2009-01-22T19:45:00.000-08:00

I am really enjoying my classes this semester. Things seem off to a right start. It is a good sign.

I wanted to talk some about my children. This is relevant to my work as a social worker, because it has shaped who I am as a helper. My son Chandler died at 20 weeks during delivery. He died on March 10, 1999. Sara, my daughter, died on February 29th, 2000 of a pulmonary embolism, and a class 4 bleed in the brain. She was 3 and a half days old. She died in my arms. I requested the stopping of the artificial respiration and let her go. These are my biggest traumas. I have been healing for the last 10 years. I have tught my students that who we are comes from our experiences, and these two deaths have shaped who I am.

There is not a child I see, or help, that does not remind me of my children. I started my career to be a helper for children. When chandler died, I got some special training to be able to train perinatal grief counselors. I learned a lot about what grief was, and how it interacted with other disorders. I look at my students and see the potentials they have to help. It is so encouraging to see them and their eager faces, ready to learn. I can pass on what I learned and make my kids lives much more meaningful.

I have pondered many times the line that separates the therapist, instructor and the private person. I live in a world where anyone can learn about me, and my life. A glass house as it were. So I am never ashamed, or embarrassed to talk about my kids. I have found it a topic that can help in itself. I don't show the private anguishes that plague me daily. Those are not for the public.

Maybe that is part of the way it is for us social workers. We have had our drams and traumas, and these help us become who we need to be.

2008-12-17T14:25:00.000-08:00

South Carolina Cuts Medicaid!

I was expecting South Carolina to Cut it's Medicaid budget. It was not until I saw the nature of the cuts that I was shocked

Dear Medicaid Provider,

This notice is to keep you informed of upcoming changes to the Medicaid program as a result of significant state revenue shortfalls. On December 11, 2008 the South Carolina Department of Health and Human Services (SC DHHS) was informed that the Medicaid budget would be reduced by an additional 7 percent, or $61 million in state funds. In total, the Medicaid budget this year alone has been cut by $137 million, or 15% of the agency’s general funds budget.

SC DHHS has made many efforts to reduce administrative costs, including the elimination of agency staff and a mandatory furlough for all employees. However, it is also necessary to make substantive changes to the services provided by Medicaid in order to meet our fiduciary responsibility. Please note that per legislative proviso, provider reimbursement rates cannot be reduced further during the current fiscal year.

SC DHHS will notify Medicaid beneficiaries of the following changes, but we appreciate your help in sharing information with your Medicaid patients. Please note that formal Provider Bulletins about some of these items also will be sent to you soon via this listserv. Thank you for your continued support of the Medicaid program and serving those in need.

The following changes are scheduled to begin on January 1, 2009:

Medicaid will no longer cover nutritional supplements for those enrolled in waiver programs, including the Community Long Term Care and HIV waivers, and for those with End Stage Renal Disease. Please note that many nutritional supplements can be purchased through the state’s food stamp program.

Waiver beneficiaries will receive a maximum of seven (7) home delivered meals per week.

Medicaid will suspend reimbursement for the construction of home wheelchair ramps.

Women applying for the Medicaid Breast and Cervical Cancer Program must be first screened through the South Carolina Breast and Cervical Cancer Early Detection Program (Best Chance Network). This does not affect those currently eligible for the program.

Adult chiropractic visits will be limited to eight (8) per year (effective February 1, 2009).

Psychological counseling sessions will be limited to six (6) per year (effective February 1, 2009).

Utilization limits will be applied to Speech/Language, Occupational, and Physical Therapies provided to children through private therapists. All therapies will be limited to 50 hours per year with the exception of Speech/Language which will have a maximum utilization limit of 100 hours per year for children aged 0-8.

Hospice coverage will be limited to Medicaid beneficiaries who are also eligible for Medicare. Participants in the Community Long Term Care waiver will have the option of receiving the hospice benefit, but other services would eliminated.

Home Health visits will be reduced from 75 per year to 50 per year (effective March 1, 2009).

Medicaid will no longer cover Panorex dental x-rays of children under the age of 8. In addition, Medicaid will only reimburse for dental sealants on permanent molars for children under the age of 6.

DME changes: Medicaid will no longer cover alcohol swabs; Medicaid will restrict the use of cranial bands; Medicaid will now pay for one nebulizer every two years; nebulizer supply kits will be reduced from 31 per month to 15 per month. Manual wheelchairs will be rent to purchase only.

Medicaid will no longer cover over the counter (OTC) expectorants or cough and cold medicine.

Medicaid will now cover one (1) routine physical for adults every five years.

Medicaid will no longer cover additional physician visits beyond the 12 allowed for the general Fee For Service population. This does not apply to beneficiaries enrolled in MCOs, MHNs and certain special populations, such as oncology patients.

Medicaid will no longer cover adult dental procedures.

Medicaid will no longer cover podiatry services except when indicated through EPSDT and QMB.

Medicaid will no longer cover after-hours code 99051.

Medicaid will no longer cover adult vision services.

Billing for specific procedure codes may be limited or eliminated. Further information will be provided to you.

Additional information about changes to co-payments will also be sent to you.

Medicaid Bulletins can also be found at the South Carolina Department of Health and Human Services' web site: www.scdhhs.gov

Thank you.

2008-10-25T15:28:00.000-07:00

I am in that place when one is filled with awe and wonder. I have spent the day doing counseling, opened care on three new clients, made several bracelets, and have been able to listen to what people really needed to say. I feel honored when I am allowed into their world and they trust enough to share what is on their hearts. Then I have been listening to my college student's Podcasts. I am so impressed. The depth of heart and care they express, warms my soul. There is of course, days that are challenging, never enough hours. Then there are afternoons like this one when I am struck with how blessed I am. I have been let into other's lives and worlds, and have become part of thier lives.

2008-10-08T20:50:00.000-07:00

Worn, tired, I am these this week. The duties of the social worker and extended responsibilities are forming a perfect storm. I have seen a increase in clients in the past couple of weeks. Several multiple children families. I am the one of two counselors at our CAC (Child Advocacy Center), and I counsel the children and adolescents. I enjoy the work, and look forward to the days when I get to go in. My private practice is growing. It feels like the need is growing.

The secondary traumatization is tough. I find I can get anxious easier, and I have to take breaks from thinking about work. I have often taught my students to be real in becoming a social worker, it has its' own scars. To think you will be unchanged by the work you do, it silly.

Today a 12 year old girl was followed by a convicted and registered sex offender and taken into the woods and raped. This happened in Charlotte. Her screams alerted some people in the area, and they caught the man. He had 21 convictions at 28 years old. My stomach turned. then the questioning starts. How did this happen? What could have been done? Why was a 12 year old riding the city bus alone? What pressure it will be on the forensic investigator to do a great interview, and help find justice for this child.

So tonight my heart is heavy for this young child. I know the road she will be on in the near future. As much as it might weigh on me, tonight I am glad I am a social worker.

2008-09-02T20:39:00.000-07:00

I was amazed once again today about how much I can still learn. I was researching the advanced forensic interviewing trainings offered by the Children's law center in Columbia, sc. I came accross a link for a training on forensic evaluation. I have been thinking about the middle ground between therapy and the forensic interview.

Some definitions, eh.
Forensic interview is the single interview that documents and records the report of a child on the types of abuse, and who, when and where. Used in a court setting

Forensic Evaluation: is an organized set of sessions over which the child is helped to come to a point of being able to talk and document what has happened to them. Typically 6 sessions

Well, for me where this came to light was a teen who came to me for therapy. She had completed a forensic interview. She documented a single event of abuse. But her past hisory was complete with 10 years of sexual abuse. How can a single interview capture all of that? I moved to adapt the forensic interview process to cover the need for deeper documentation.

So today, when I saw this training, I was thrilled, and humbles some what as well. I have to remember that others probably have thought of this dilemma before and worked on the process. I can still learn from others what I need to do for my clients.

So each day, strive to find the new learning.

"Nothing is easier than to denounce the evil doer; Nothing more difficult than understanding him."

2008-08-29T10:50:00.000-07:00

I was watching Criminal Minds last night with my wife. The episode "p911" was all about child abuse and exploitation. My wife asked about how I handle the perps. Did I want to just go out and kill them?

Above is a quote from Criminal Minds, that sums up my thinking about the topic. I think and believe it is easy for us to exclude and label, and define this person as this or that for our own peace of mind. It is very easy for use to see the pedophile as evil and nonredeemable, and unlovable. It is natural to think that way. We do it to create a peace of mind that we are not them, and they COULD never be us.

I shall clarify now, that I do not condone or agree with the harm of any child or person. My point here is not to make the pedophile acceptable.

So what is my point? Be it child abuse, murder, arson, or whatever, the criminal is not just born bad. Even with horrible genes, other influences must have impacted this person in order for the person to have developed into who they became. When you take a more global perspective, they are damaged not by themselves, but as a result of environment and external influences shaping and interacting with internal potentials. Different impacts, different person, different behavior.

BUT, this is not a popular notion with those criminals who prey on children, or adolescents, or our loved ones. Why? Because it places responsibility as shared with the environment. The perpetrator may be a victim of external influences. So much easier to just blame them, lock them away and watch documentaries on Discovery Channel.

2008-08-29T10:31:00.000-07:00

Databases, Ah the bain of the social work life. Data, and Research. No clients today, just me and the Access database. Adding in variables and data, More coffee please. It seems just as I get to a point that I have all the variables set, something new comes up.

I have been working to develop the central database for our CAC office, and am now adding in the Hotline Calls. Each new type of data may have 60 sections of data entry. I kind of enjoy the creating of databases. I can sit alone undisturbed, and if you follow the rules, you can create and fill relatively easily. It is when the rules , which are at times confusing, are not followed, a that trouble starts.

8087;4563;2385;8085

2008-08-28T07:41:00.000-07:00

What if you wake in the am to a non-working e-mail? Been there, Done that, there now. I have been at the mercy of the local internet company for years about my e-mail, and resisted going to a main site like google for my e-mail. Until today. I decided that I don't want to be without e-mail availability in the future.
SO I am now a gmail client. dk.scwk.wu@gmail.com

What did I do before the internet? Before Cell Phones? How addicted have I become? Instant information, internet news, text messages.

And here I am writing a blog that will be floating out there for a while. Strange.

2008-08-26T10:35:00.000-07:00

I had to write a letter today. One of the kind of letters I don't like to write. I had to say no to a mother. I had all the sound theoretical backing for refusing to offer the help she was asking. I wanted to bend those age limits and do the interview, but I stuck to my training, and what is best for the client in the whole picture. This is the part of the job that does not get as much press.

Part of my life as a social worker is as a forensic interviewer. I interview children ages 4-18 in a forensically sound process so the child's story can be told. The "evidence" I help collect can help immensely to get a conviction of a child abuser. I like being able to help.

What happens when the child is too young, the conflict inside arises. That child needs to have their story told, they have the right to share what happened to them. Only 25% of children do, in fact, share that they have been sexually abused. Now how fair is it if your are "too young" to testify.

There are other ways to get at the process, other forensically sound methods. I know, I know.

It is not easy to type some letters.

2008-08-21T20:04:00.000-07:00

Wow, the web saves everything. I had forgotten about this blog. and now find it some 4 years later. Surreal.

So lets get this one on track, shall we?

My life as a social worker. It is a complicated process. I function in several roles as a SW. I do lots of psychotherapy, and try and help a great number of people. I also teach future social workers how to do their craft.

I own my own practice. I work at a child advocacy center. I work a an alternative Middle School. I teach a college in the area. I work 6 days a week, and just barely meet my expenses.

Lets talk about each of those tasks in a separate entry. So check back

2004-09-25T16:52:00.000-07:00

The height of confusion. Implied meanings on subtle questions. I handle them well when I am having to derive the meaning of a conversation with my clients, but in my personal life, I often miss the subtleness. That causes me a great deal of frustration. In my personal life, I prefer directness. say what you want, what you mean! I don't want to read minds. AAARRRUUUGGGGHHHHH!